Wicked Games
by horror.story.liars
Summary: A series of short stories, mostly set to songs, involving Emison. Some fluff, some smut, maybe some in between. You can send me prompts in the reviews section.
1. Wicked Games

**A/N: Hey everyone, sorry I accidentally posted the unedited version of this on here, I hadn't even run spell check on it. So this should make a bit more sense. If you guys are interested in more one shots like this or maybe a full length story let me know in the reviews. Thank you for taking the time to read, I hope that you enjoy it!**

They said that I was the weak link. They said that I would be the first to break. What they didn't know is that I was already broken long before they got to me. The A Team would never be as good at breaking a person as Alison DiLaurentis. If there was any one thing that Alison was good at it was entirely breaking someone. Everyone who had ever known her had experienced it one way or another. Maybe I am the weakest, because fuck if she didn't hurt me more than anyone else. She ruined me.

"Em, where are you?" Hanna's text interrupts my thought.

"Didn't realize that I had to check in, mom" I reply, barely looking at my phone.

"Seriously I'm just worried we are all worried. We haven't seen you for days and your mom said you hadn't been home. Does A have something on you? We want to help you but we can't unless you talk to us!" she sends back. I stare at it for a moment and then finish the rest of my four-shooter of Tanqueray.

"Seriously? Don't worry about me. I don't need anyone's help." I hit send and shove my phone into my pocket. It's about the start of a new shift and I know exactly who I want to be talking to.

Surprisingly, I haven't been to a place like this before. I've been as Spencer calls it "spiraling" for a year now and it has taken me to some pretty dark corners, but never to Wild Girlz or any place even close. But after discovering who works the late shift I guess you could say my interest was piqued. I stare straight ahead and flash my fake ID to the bouncer. He looks at it and looks at me several times. I remember the first time that happened back when Alison got me my first fake. I began sweating and my mouth went dry. She had scolded me so cruelly for nearly blowing our cover. Today I am cool as can be. Of course my fake is a whole lot better than back then, and I have a whole lot less to lose. I walk past him without a second glance and go straight to the bar.

"Tom Collins please, straight." I say to the middle aged man behind the bar.

"That's a pretty old fashioned drink for such a young lady. Sure you don't want a vodka and cranberry or a daiquiri or something?" He smiles a dirty smile and predictably follows it with a wink.

"I'd like my order please." I say unmoved.

He puts his hands up as if to surrender and pours my Tanqueray, syrup, and ice into a shaker and mixes it aggressively. I have grown quite accustomed to the sloshing and clinking of a drink in a tumbler. It almost feels like home to me. He pours me a tall drink and tops it off with a couple squeezes of lemon. He may be a skeeze but he knows how to make my drink pretty goddamn well if I do say so myself.

"That'll be $8.00. Or you could just work for me and the drinks are on the house." His smile goes from dirty to downright repulsive.

"Not for all the gin in the world." I scowl back and set my money on the bar and find a discreet corner in the back.

Men are disgusting and predictable. They are easy. Alison taught me that. I never really noticed how true it was until after she was gone. You know there was a time that actually believed that she was dead. Maybe that was just easier at that point. Easier than the constant worrying, wondering where she was, if she'd ever come back. It was almost easier to just have a conclusion even if it was a horrible one. But, then I started getting into some darker circles and started hearing about this mysterious blonde whose name kept changing. Someone says that she had been working here and so I need to see it for myself. A cute brunette wearing a sequined bra top and a matching thong walks by me and I stop her.

"Is Lolita working tonight?"

"Who's asking? She's real funny about us giving out her information unless it's for a regular and I don't think I've seen you around before" She is smiling but I cringe at the thought of Alison having regulars.

"You know I guess I'll just find out by the end of the night if I'm wasting my time." I raise my eyebrows at her in frustration as I swallow the last bit of my drink.

"Hey they're her rules not mine. But why don't you try your luck with the bar man, maybe you could get a private show. Her shows are double the normal price though, but I'm sure she'll make it worth it to ya." She says with a wink walking away.

Ali always was obsessed with secrets. She always told me that they were like treasures, and for her they were collectibles. She could have had a whole section just for my secrets. Christ, I gave them to her so eagerly, like they were a form of commerce and I was buying her love. I never could have given enough. For all the stolen glances and secret kisses I may have gotten I still ended up alone. And I'm going to find out why, tonight. One private dance for $100, I wonder what that translates into in secrets.

"Who do I speak to about getting a private dance?"

"You are a dirty little girl. You can leave $50 with me and I'll send a girl back shortly." The owner/bar tender says barely looking up.

"I don't want just any girl. I want Lolita." I say sternly. He looks up from his clipboard.

"Well honey we're talking a bit more than fifty bucks then."

"Yeah, we're talking $500 and I get her for the night."

"Are you serious?" He asks confused. I lay five one hundred dollar bills on the bar staring into him.

"Dead." I reply. He holds each bill up to the light.

"Right this way." He says leading me to a small room

It's dim in here, lit by some electric blue and pink lights. You know, I used to fantasize about Alison returning all the time and never did it involve an upscale strip club or neon lights of any kind. I guess I'll take what I can get though. I take a seat on a cushioned chair in the center of the room. There is a bottle of grey goose and a bottle of Johnnie Walker gold label on an end table next to me and two glasses. That guy may be sleazy as hell but he sure does run a clean establishment.

My phone startles me by going off in my pocket. I look and see that Paige is calling me and send it to voicemail. I then shut my phone off completely. I don't need anyone interrupting me tonight, least of all her. The music starts before I actually see her. But then all at once there she is, standing across the room staring at me. Her skin looks blue in the light and her hair is no longer blonde but pastel pink.

"Ali..." I breathe it out not realizing that I had been holding it in.

"Miss me?" She asks before seductively walking across the room.

I want to run to her. I want to wrap her in my arms and never let her go again. I want to drag her out of here and drive until I run out of gas. I want to kiss her deeply and lift her off the ground. Instead I sit silent in my chair. With intentional steps and choreographed swaying hips she is right in front of me now. She gets on her knees and puts a hand on either side of my lap seemingly boxing me in. She stares up at me with those denim eyes. They haven't changed a bit.

 _I left my girl back home, I don't love her no more_

 _And she'll never fuckin' know that_

 _These fuckin' eyes that I'm staring at_

Christ, I've forgotten how looking at her makes me feel. On fire. Yes, I'm on fire. I need to see her, all of her. I stand up and walk in a slow circle around her. My god the years have only made her sexier. Her hips have filled out giving her a perfect full ass. Her skin looks just as smooth and warm as I remember.

"Don't you want a dance, Em?" She says when I am back to facing her.

"Do you really think that I spent $500 just to see you dance? I want answers Alison. You owe me answers."

 _Let me see that ass_

 _Look at all this cash_

 _And I've emptied out my cards too_

 _Now I'm fucking leaning on that_

"I know what you want baby." Her voice is suddenly pure lust and I shudder.

She touches my arm and then lets her fingers walk from one shoulder to the other as she circles me like a shark in the water.

"Ali, stop. It makes me sick that you work here. Tell me where you've been, how you ended up here." I'm a terrible liar and cannot hide what her black bra and shorts covered by a see through mesh tank top are doing to my body.

"Little innocent Emily to straight to have a little fun?" She says shaking a little baggy of cocaine in front of my face.

"You'll probably call the cops out of moral obligation huh?" She says it with a challenge as she dips her finger nail in the bag and sucks the powder up her nose. I chuckle and snatch the bag from her.

"You've been gone a long time." I say before inhaling a decent line off of a key.

Her eyes are wide as I tuck the little bag into the front of her black shorts.

"Now, answers Ali. I deserve them." I say. At the request she is suddenly empowered again. She aggressively pushes me back into my seat.

"You know you want to see more." She says straddling my knees.

I wish I could say that I didn't love it. I wish I could say that I didn't feel myself getting wet as her body rolled in front of my face. But then I'd be lying. As she dances in front of me she begins to trace lines along my bare arms and suddenly jumps when she gets to my wrist and hits my darkest secret yet. Where there once was untouched skin there was an open red valley, and when its flood refused to take me it slowly became a marred mountain range of mourning. She freezes and looks at me with eyes wet and mouth open.

"Like I said. You were gone a long time." I say plainly. I need, for just one moment, for her to hurt the way I did. For her to see what she did to me.

 _Bring your love baby I could bring my shame_

 _Bring the drugs baby I could bring my pain_

 _I got my heart right here_

 _I got my scars right here_

She wraps her hand tightly around my wrist and leans into my ear.

"Don't you fucking dare do that again. Do hear me?" She whispers in that voice somewhere caring and anger. This used to be my favorite face of Alison.

And suddenly she's back to using her body and my goddamn persisting love to evade my questions. She lifts herself over me and lets her stomach and breasts rub their way lightly across my face and I can't fight any longer. I moan quietly and take hold of her sides just above her hips. I nuzzle into her stomach and inhale deeply. My god I missed her, I missed her smell so much. She is completely on my lap now, straddling me and her arms casually around my neck.

Her face is just inches away from mine, her pastel curls framing both our faces. She presses her forehead against mine. She shuts her eyes and I see her begin to melt into me, I see her guard coming down. And then I see her push back. I groan in frustration, I just want to love her, to have her.

"Come on Ali what's the matter? Lose your nerve?" I challenge and slide the bottle of scotch over to her.

"You shouldn't even be here." She says staring down at me, made taller by the six inch heel of her boots.

 _Bring the cups baby I could bring the drink_

 _Bring your body baby I could bring you fame_

 _And that's my motherfucking words too_

 _Just let me motherfucking love you_

"Well I am. And so are you. Now please if you won't give me answers just give me something, I need something." I grab her hand.

Before I can prepare myself she's back on my lap and her mouth is on mine. I crumble into her and wrap my arms around her tighter than I have ever done before. As our mouths move naturally in sync I feel my pounding heart injecting my love into this kiss. I kiss her in such a way that she will never get me off of her lips. I want her to try to moan another lovers name only to hear "Emily..." Slip off her tongue and into the night. I want her to come undone every time she smells lavender or tastes citrus. I want her to wake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat begging for my touch. I want to start a fire in her that no one else can extinguish.

 _Listen ma I'll give you all I got_

 _Get me off of this_

 _I need confidence in myself_

 _Listen ma I'll give you all of me_

 _Give me all of it_

 _I need all of it to myself_

She moans my name as we finally part for air. I run my thumb over her beautiful pink lips and she nips at my touch. Christ her tongue flicks my fingertip and my hips buck suddenly. She gasps at the pressure against her and I love watching the flush come across her cheeks. I let my hand tangle into a fistful of her hair and put my lips to her ear.

"I know you don't, but I want you to tell me you love me. I want to hear it." It comes out in a desperate moan.

"Why? Why do I need to say that" she asks

"It turns me on." I say suddenly looking straight at her. She slows her movements for a moment just looking at me.

"I love you, Emily." Her voice drops in volume and tone.

 _So tell me you love me_

 _Only for tonight_

 _Only for the night_

 _Even though you don't love me_

 _Just tell me you love me_

 _I'll give you what I need_

 _I'll give you all of me_

 _Even though you don't love me_

I grab desperately at her top wanting to remove anything separating us and she stands slowly. She pulls the black mesh top over her head and casts it aside.

"You kind of owe me a dance you know." I smile lustfully at her.

Since she didn't take my offering of the scotch earlier I slide the vodka towards her. She grabs the bottle and takes a long drag from it. Then she puts it to my lips and I let her pour her fill into my mouth. Vodka has never been my favorite but it makes me feel close to her.

"As you wish." Her face turns filthy as she steps back from me.

I always knew that Ali was sexual, and I always knew she was a talented dancer, but nothing could have prepared me for the moving sex in front of me. Her hips curl around the beat of the song, her body bending in ways that I never conceived as possible. She suddenly arches her back and pulls at the clasp of her top letting it fall to the ground and letting her perfectly shaped breasts fall out. My god I want to taste those perfect pink nipples. She turns around and spreads her legs far apart. She brings her body all the way to the ground bending in front of me. How the hell did her ass get so damn sexy? On her way back up she unzips the side of her shorts and spins back around stepping out of them as she walks towards me. She is left in her boots and a black thong and it is nearly more than I can take. I have to bite my fist to keep from moaning.

"Do you like it?" She asks stretching the lacy material towards me and letting it snap back against her. I can only helplessly nod.

"I know you do." She says letting her index finger trace my jaw.

She's right back to rolling her body towards me. She stomps a heel in the arm rest beside me and leans her thong covered body dangerously close to my face. I reach out and grab her thighs.

"You know the last person who touched me while I was dancing got a black eye." She says then leans down to my ear.

 _"_ You're lucky I think you're fucking hot." She whispers before grabbing my hand and thrusting my fingers inside of her soaking wet pussy.

I gasp in complete shock and pleasure. She has one foot still bracing herself on the floor and the other leg wrapped completely around me. I hold my fingers firm in place curving them ever slightly so I can hit that spot that makes her scream. She is going fast and hard and practically drenching my hand. I can barely breathe between placing wet kisses across her chest.

"Oh my god Alison, fuck." I begin to call out.

"Yes! Fuck yes, Emily you feel so fucking good inside me. Goddamnit, fuck me Emily!" The tone in her voice has my clit hard and I know it will haunt my fantasies when my hands search my own body in the night.

I extend my thumb so that it can rub her clit on every exit and every entry and then she really begins to yell. If I had thought she was going hard before I had no idea. I can barely hold onto her as she bounces and rocks herself on me. I see her tits start to bounce in rhythm and take a nipple into my mouth. As I let my tongue massage it I feel her begin to tighten around my fingers.

"Christ, I'm cumming! Emily! You're a fucking god!" She practically screams as she shakes and writhes with her orgasm.

 _Let me see you dance_

 _I love to watch you dance_

 _Take you down another level_

 _Get you dancing with the devil_

 _Take a shot of this_

 _But I'm warning you_

 _I'm on that shit that you can't smell baby_

 _So put down your perfume_

She collapses all of her weight on me and lets me just hold her, completely breathless. This is all I've ever wanted. My god I've wanted her.

"Let's run away. Please Ali. Don't make me leave you here." I say as I come crashing down from the high I'd just experienced.

"You know I can't do that." She doesn't even sit up.

"Please just tell me why you're here. Who are you hiding from?" I beg squeezing her tightly against me.

"Me. I'm hiding from me." She whispers before standing up and putting her clothes back on.

"You know I love you, don't you?" I ask

"Of course. And I think that you know how I feel about you. But all that I had to offer you was tonight." She cups my face softly and lovingly, kisses my mouth, and walks away.

I don't know why but I just let her walk away. I left the tears on her cheeks and everything.

 _So tell me you love me_

 _Only for tonight_

 _Only for one night_

 _Even though you don't love me_

 _Just tell me you love me_

 _I'll give you what I need_

 _I'll give you all of me_

 _Even though you don't love me_


	2. Sandalwood

**Hey guys, thanks for reading! This one is a bit lighter and the lyrics that inspired it are from Sandalwood by Lisa Loeb. It is set before Alison's disappearance and there is no mention of A. I hope that you all enjoy it, let me know if there are any prompts that you'd like me to respond to or certain scenes reimagined or any song requests. Thanks again!**

I love coming to Spencer's house. It's like being able to pretend that you're rich even for a little while. She likes to .my house so that she can pretend to have a soft and loving mother. I guess everyone needs to take a vacation from their own lives from time to time.

Everyone is here except Ali. Even when it's just us girls hanging out she likes to be fashionably late. She knows all of these rules and schemes to maintain her status. I don't know where she learned them but she will certainly always be queen bee because of them. I can't help but watch the clock and try to steal glances out the window to see if she is even getting ready yet. I wish that I could play it cool like her.

"Em, you're not even watching the movie!" Hanna yells, completely enthralled with The Notebook.

"Why does it matter? They're all the same. Love is love is love. Same story, same song, different people." Aria grumbles. I don't know if the pink streaks are the product of her angst or vice versa.

"I don't think that's true. Sometimes love can be," I pause and stare out the window towards Ali's house, "special."

"Of course you still believe that, you're so tenderhearted." Aria says smiling at me. She may have meant it as a compliment but it hurts all the same.

 _She can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written,  
'cause she's never been in love with you before_ _.  
_

"Hey bitches." Ali makes her presence known at the door.

"Oh god what are you watching? Turn that gushy shit off." She grumbles as she walks in and hops up on the bed.

"Don't do that it will break Emily's tender heart." Spencer laughs and the other girls follow suit.

"I didn't say that I liked the movie I just said that not all love stories are the same. Love can still mean something." I try to hide my blushing face. Ali is suddenly serious while everyone else laughs.

"Guys shut up. Emily is the only one who's brave enough to believe in love, you shouldn't make fun of her." She scolds them and they shut up immediately. Her defense only increases the blood flow to my cheeks.

"Besides I know that Hanna is the one who suggested it, she's probably busy pretending to be Rachel McAdams to Sean's Ryan gosling" everyone laughs at her now and Ali gives me a sly wink.

I know that I shouldn't be okay with her throwing someone else under the bus to take the heat off of me but I feel so special when she looks out for me like that.

"I guess we can watch this brain rot though until it's time to get ready." Ali says grabbing a massive quilt and throwing it over herself. She climbs down off the bed and sits on the floor against it.

"Come keep me company?" She asks me coyly lifting a corner of the quilt for me. I can't make eye contact with her as I slide under the covers next to her.

"You're just jaded cause you're miss popular. You're probably juggling five guys right now." Hanna finally retorts.

"Wow speedy comeback there, Han."

"Shut up." She says. Ali laughs and nudges me.

She really could be juggling five guys right now. Everyone is in love with Ali. She could have anyone that she wanted. She's so beautiful it's not hard to see why. Like, when she smiles a secret smile just for you and it makes your heart race. I have to try to ignore how nauseated I feel when I think about how everyone is falling all over her.

Being next to her this close is almost unbearable. Her skin is so warm against mine and it makes my stomach do flip flops. Everyone else up on the bed is silent and watching the movie now so Ali slides down a bit more to get comfortable and so I do too. She smiles. I try to watch the movie but we are getting to the sex scene and honestly it makes me so uncomfortable watching boys and girls kiss. Ali seems to notice and she leans her head on my shoulder. Her hair falls softly across my bare shoulder giving me chills. I inhale and can smell her scent of honey and sandalwood. I love that smell so much, it smells like home.

"Turn your hand over, palm up." She suddenly whispers barely audible.

I look cautiously over my shoulders to confirm that no one is watching or heard her and then beneath the blanket I oblige her request.

Her feather light fingertips start trailing from the sensitive crease of my elbow down the delicate skin of my wrist and then across my open palm in a swirl. She returns there and lightly traces all the lines. My heart is almost audible and I have to consciously tell myself to keep breathing. I am covered in goose bumps and she is just staring at the screen with a satisfied smirk on her face. I've never felt this nervous in my entire life or whatever this tingling heat is between my legs. All I know is that I don't want her to stop. Not ever.

 __ _Your skin smells lovely like sandalwood  
your hair falls soft like animals  
I'm tryin' to keep cool, but everyone likes you  
_

She continues to trace lines up and down my arm then focusing on my hand. She traces up and down the edge of each finger. I feel like I might jump right out of my skin. Her fingers graze my leg and we both freeze for a moment. Then her confidence is back as she makes her decision and she begins to run her middle and index fingers up my bare thigh. I suddenly shiver aggressively and everyone looks at me.

"Cold chill?" She asks assuredly.

"Yeah." I say nervously rubbing at my arms for affect. Everyone forgets quickly and returns to the movie.

Her hand finds my thigh again but this time she just rests her hand there occasionally rubbing it slightly with her thumb. I try not to give it all away on my face as Alison is always accusing me of. She has scolded me so many times for losing her secrets. I can't help how nervous she makes me though.

Why does she make me so nervous? No one has ever had this effect on me. Not even Ben. I cringe thinking about seeing him tonight. He's having a huge party to celebrate spring break since his parents are away. I may be a bit naive sometimes but I'm not dumb. I know he'll have certain expectations tonight. I look over at Ali. Maybe she'll help me avoid them. She always helps me with stuff like that.

Before I realize it the movie is finished and low and behold who is crying the hardest? Aria Montgomery.

"Shut up guys I don't want to talk about it." And for once even Alison leaves it alone.

"Let's get ready for this 'party.' It may be lame but I'm at least going to look good." Ali uses air quotes to accent her point.

Everyone is doing their hair and makeup and picking out outfits and accessories. I can't help but steal glances at Alison. I don't know why she bothers with make-up, she is beautiful without it. God she knows exactly what she's doing. I wish I could be like that. I feel like I'm always faking it.

"Em, do you want to help me pick my outfit?" Alison looks at me in the mirror.

"Me? I mean I'm sure one of the other girls could give you better advice, you know I don't know much about that stuff." I say to the ground.

"Oh, shut up. You're the prettiest one of any of us; you know more than you think." She smiles warmly at me before taking my hand and leading me behind Spencer's changing blind.

"I brought some outfits over earlier you can help me decide." She says turning around and lifting her arms.

"Help me with my top?" She smiles over her shoulder at me and hold her long blonde hair out the way.

Does she know how my heart is racing? Does she know about the feeling between my legs? Is that why she's doing this to me? She must know, Ali knows everything. I lightly reach over with one hand and try to unhook the top part that rests on the back of her neck. I struggle slightly and end up having to use both hands any way. She smiles wider. It lets free and I unzip the few inches at the top for her revealing gorgeous tanned skin. Why do I want to kiss her there?

She pulls her top over her head drops it to the floor. She turns to face me.

"Now, my bra. Do you think you can unhook it without looking?" She asks

"What? You're crazy." I try to laugh it off.

"Come on, don't you want to see what it's like for poor Ben?" She pouts a lip and puts her arms around my neck.

My stomach is filled with butterflies at her touch and at how beautiful her skin looks only covered by a smooth black bra. My mouth goes dry and I reach behind her. I start with one hand thinking it will be easy, I mean come on I do this every night it shouldn't be hard. I remember Ben trying to do it to me once and being thankful that his clumsy sausage fingers couldn't have come close to removing the garment. It gave me an excuse to slow things down.

Finally after what felt like minutes or hours even her bra clasp comes undone. She smiles and winks at me and I can't help but stare a little as her breasts fall from the support of the bra. I giggle nervously like a child.

"My turn." She says and before I can even react she has pulled my tank top up over my head I lift my arms to let her remove it. With the flick of one finger I hear my bra unsnap and look at her with surprise.

"Beginners luck." She smiles and taps my nose before turning to get hold up options.

I can barely focus on anything but her light pink nipples. I try so hard to look away but can't. My nipples are a bit smaller and dark brown, I never knew that they could be so different and so... Beautiful.

"Oh come on why are you being so modest? We're both girls." She pulls my hands away from my chest.

"Not to mention you have a killer body, nothing to be ashamed of." She says it so casually but it turns over and over inside of me. I wonder if she likes how my chest looks or if she compared us like I did. It does seem like she keeps stealing glances at me.

"I have a bright green halter, a blue ruffled tank, and a pink tube top what do you think? She asks holding each one up.

"The blue one. It brings out your eyes." I smile able to look at her face finally. Just as its starting to feel normal to be naked with her she pulls the top on and puts on some super tight white shorts.

"And you will wear this black top that I brought you because you always look sexy in black." She runs a finger down my bare sternum and I shiver again.

I can barely breathe as she looks me up and down and everything comes flooding over me. I love Alison. Like, I'm _IN_ love with Alison. I want to kiss her and hold her and fall asleep next to her every night and wake up next to her every morning. I want it all.

 _I want to kiss the back of your neck,  
the top of your spine where your hair hits,  
and gnaw on your fingertips and fall asleep,  
I'll talk you to sleep  
but I'll be the one, i will have chosen.  
_

She traces my neck with her fingertip and leaves her hand on my shoulder. I lean into her touch.

"That feels good." I whisper.

"Doesn't Ben ever touch you like this?" She asks. I shake my head no.

"What a dumbass." She shakes her head in disbelief.

"If I were him, you wouldn't be able to keep my paws off of you. I'd always be trying to make you feel good." She says. It takes everything within me not to tell her that I wish she was him.

It's not long before my moment with her is done and we return to the group like nothing ever happened. My heart is still keenly aware that something happened as it is still skipping beats every time that she speaks. I do look pretty good in this black top. Of course I always feel prettier knowing Alison thinks so.

Aria does my makeup giving me a smoky eye and Hanna takes my hair down and puts it in loose curls for me. I may not know anything about fashion but I clean up alright! We are about to head out the door when Alison grabs my hand letting everyone else go ahead. She pulls me into a side room before I can even process what's happening.

"So I know that we are going to your boyfriend's house tonight." She starts and I cringe looking immediately to the floor.

"Yeah." I say sadly.

"I just want you to promise me that anything that you do tonight, you do it for you, no one else. Don't do something just because you think that you should or because someone else thinks that you should." She is being more sincere than I have ever seen her be.

"What if I don't want to do anything… with him?" My voice catches in my throat. I hadn't known I was feeling this emotional until I said the words out loud.

"Then don't. He doesn't own you, no one does. He doesn't deserve to be your first anyway." She slides her hand down my arm and takes my hand.

"You should only do it for love. And you don't love Ben." She says it like it's easy.

"How do you know that?" I ask, scared that it's that obvious and that everyone knows.

"Because I can read you better than that. Plus, I think you may want to be the Ryan Gosling to someone else's Rachel McAdams if you get what I'm trying to say." My heart thumps harshly in my chest. How does she know?

Before I can ask her she has exited the room and is jogging out to the car. She can't drop a bomb like that and then bat her pretty eyelashes and expect me to not react. And what was she trying to say anyway? It's not like I'm gay or something. Just because I have these confusing feelings about her doesn't mean that I'm gay. She always does that, like it's one of her favorite games. She'll say something to get me riled up or upset me and then expect me to just snap back to normal and join the group.

I get in the car anyway and sit in the back between Hanna and a window. Alison is in the passenger's seat in front of me, Spencer is driving and Aria behind her. I stare out the window trying to decide what to call this thing I'm feeling. It's somewhere between anger, fear, and nausea. I hear Ali and Spencer laughing in the front seat and anger starts to take the lead. How does she just turn it on like that? How can she go from being so sincere with me moments ago and being so casual and cool now. There are a million different sides to her I don't know which side of her is the real Alison. And the most infuriating part is that I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter because I love them all.

"We're almost there! Does Ben know you got all dressed up for him, Em?" Spencer asks innocently. My stomach churns.

"She doesn't dress up for a little boy like Ben. She's better than that." Ali swoops in to save me but not this time. Not after what she said.

"Actually I think he'll love the surprise. He always says that I look sexy in black." I smile to Spencer.

"Whoa lookout Emily is cutting loose tonight!" Everyone laughs but Ali. She has gone suddenly quiet and pulls down her visor mirror to catch my eye.

Maybe it's really obvious that I like Alison. I can't have everyone thinking that I'm gay or something. Hell, maybe I just wanted to punish Alison for her hot and cold routine. Either way it seems to be working because the girls are all talking about me and Ben now and Alison isn't talking at all. We pull up to his house and Spencer barely has time to cut the engine before I'm out the door.

"Emily stop!" Alison grabs my wrist and pulls me back.

"What do _you_ want?" I glare at her. I do my best to avoid her eyes because I know that they will pull me right back in.

"Why are you acting like this?" She demands.

"Oh now you care? That's pretty crazy because just a second ago you were playing it cool with Spencer." I don't think she likes this new fiery side to me.

"Em, we have something special. Don't be upset that I don't want to share that with the others." She smiles and tucks my hair behind my ear. I can feel my guard coming down.

"These moments between us wouldn't mean as much if everyone was involved now would they?" She always knows what to say to keep me wrapped around her finger.

"Ali! Over here!" Some drunk guy yells from the side yard. I see every boy here looking her up and down.

"Hey you!" She says to the drunk guy who stumbles over and wraps an arm around her waist.

"You have the bluest eyes." He says staring at them.

"Thanks, this shirt brings them out doesn't it?" She says winking at me and then walking away with this tool. Everyone stares as she walks by. I'm suddenly sick to my stomach.

 _I'm tryin' to keep cool, but everyone here likes you  
I'm not the only one_

Fine then. Two can play at this game. She's not the only one who can get a guy's attention. I need to find Ben.

"Damn, Fields!" I hear his stupid ogre voice and walk towards it. I look over his shoulder to insure that Alison is watching and I practically shove my tongue down his throat.

I don't stop there, I kiss and kiss him. I rub the back of his neck the way that she was touching mine earlier today. I let his mouth awkwardly chew at mine even though it makes me want to cry.

"Guess she couldn't get enough, wanted round two." I hear one of his nimrod friends say behind him. I pull away.

"What does he mean?" I ask.

"Less questions, more tongue." He says smashing his mouth on mine again. Drunk guy is still talking to Ali but her eyes are on me.

"No really Ben, what did he mean?" I ask again.

"How about we go inside and talk about it?" He says wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Fine." I let him lead me right past Ali.

I may be mistaken but she looks pretty upset. As I try to slide past her, her slender fingers catch my empty hand. She leans into me but I just keep moving. As we enter Ben's bedroom and he shuts the door behind us I realize that I can smell her honey and sandalwood on my shoulder where her soft as satin hair brushed up against me. Ben immediately pushes me onto the bed and climbs on top of me. He kisses my unresponsive mouth as though he doesn't notice that I'm just laying here. I'm too shocked or maybe scared even to respond to him. He grabs my neck aggressively then and I am reminded of Alison's soft touch that had been there mere hours before. I want to tell him to get off of me; I want to tell him that I'm in love with someone else. Because in the end Alison is all that matters to me.. __

 _Your skin smells lovely like sandalwood  
your hair falls soft like animals,  
and nothing else matters to me  
_

I look at my hand and can feel the heat of her fingertips lingering on my palm still. Ben begins to undo his belt and I grab his wrist.

"Ben, stop." I whisper. I don't want to upset him.

"Why?" He asks shaking out of my touch.

"Because I don't want to do this." I am a little more forceful this time.

"Well everyone already thinks you have so you might as well." He tells suddenly.

"Wait, what?" I demand sitting up.

"They were all making fun of us because we haven't done it yet and we've been together two months so I told them that you finally gave it up last week." Ben says it as though he's done me a service. I suddenly remember the way all the guys seemed to be laughing when I walk by and the girls with their judgmental stares.

"You're disgusting Ben and I would never have sex with you. Not even if we were together for a hundred years." I growl at him as I push him hard away from myself and storm out the door.

The stares and hollers that meet me upon my exit make me want to crawl into a hole and die. I feel so exposed and naked in front of them. It doesn't matter whether it really happened or not if they think it happened. I've always been such a good girl; I never thought something like this would happen to me. I look down at my hand where Alison touched it. It's still on fire. I want to find her, I have to tell her.

I push through crowds and don't see her anywhere. I try to ignore the girls mumbling things like "easy" and "whore" under their breath. Guys give me filthy stares and I feel like I may throw up. I just want her to hold me and to tell her how I feel. I can't find her anywhere. I freeze suddenly as it hits me. Ali had to have heard the rumor too...

I have checked every room of this stupid house and I'm not about to go outside where Ben is laughing with his friends. God knows what he's saying to them. I go back upstairs and out onto the balcony of his first room. It peers out into the neighbor's lovely garden and I can barely hear any of the party goers here. It's almost peaceful. It's here looking out into the lavender patches and lilac bushes that it begins to hit me, just how violated I feel. I didn't love Ben but I had really begun to trust him. He was at least a close friend. I never thought he was capable of this. The door behind me is suddenly slammed open and I barely have time to lift my head from my hands before I am catching Ali's hands as they fly towards me.

"Is it true?!" She demands pushing me hard away from her. Tears are pouring down her face. She doesn't give me a chance to answer before she's swinging at me again.

"You must think that you're pretty clever don't you? Letting me flirt and touch you and listening while I tried to comfort you when you had already fucked that bastard!" I have never seen Ali cry before and while she's said some nasty things to me before she's never tried to hurt me physically.

"I can't believe that you really think I'd do that to you." I say the crack in my voice alerting me to my own tears. I have a hold of both her wrist so she can't get free and strike me.

"Don't you get it, Em!? I waited for you! To think Ian was begging for me last night and I said no because I wanted you to be my first!" She sobs. I can't move or speak for a moment.

"Ali... Did you just say what I think you just said?" I say it quietly and for the first time her eyes meet mine. She stops struggling to get her hands free. Tearfully she nods.

"He lied. I promise you Alison. I never did it. I never could." I put a palm against her cheek and she begins to sob even harder.

"I didn't mean to hurt you; I promise I'm telling the truth." I start trying to explain it away unsure what I said to make her cry so much. She shakes her head again.

Suddenly her mouth is on mine. I completely melt into her. She tastes like strawberries and the salt of her tears. She is everything I have ever dreamt of and exactly what has always been missing. She pulls away and looks straight into me.

"I came up here looking for you. I just wanted to tell you how when I was with him and he was trying to kiss me all I could feel was where you had touched my hand. I still feel it." I whisper pressing my forehead to hers as she traces circles on my bare back.

"You're all that I ever feel Em. And I'm not going to run this time. And never again." And this time when she speaks, I know that she means it. __

 _Your hand,  
so hot,  
burns a hole in  
my hand  
I wanted to show you  
_


	3. All Mine Part 1 of 2

**Hey everyone! Thank you so, so much for all of the reviews, they mean so much to me! Again if there is anything you'd like to see from me just let me know and I will try to get to it as quickly as possible. This one is going to be a little bit different from the others as it is a two part story. This is the first one, it is set to All Mine by Portishead. I am already working on the second part of it so it should be up shortly! Hopefully you like what I do with it! Enjoy!**

"So, what do you think?" I ask like I don't know the answer.

"You look great!" Everyone chimes in their approval of my newest outfit.

"It looks good on you." Emily mumbles unable to look at me directly.

"Calm down there Ellen, I don't need you peeking in my dressing room when I go to change." I say it so that only she can hear it but she still turns every shade of red imaginable.

It's funny because I wouldn't even mind if she did peek. I know that she would never dream of doing so even if she is head over heels in love with me. She's just so delicate and precious; weak. I feel like a shark sometimes and she's a wounded baby seal. I smell blood and my cruelest of instincts take over. I'm dying to take a bite, but I can't help but to play with my food first.

I take my new clothes off quickly. I then smile as a new idea to make Emily blush and stammer hits me. I take off my bra leaving me in just a light pink pair of bikini cut cotton panties. I grab the two bras that I had pulled off of the shelf earlier and peek slightly from behind the curtain. I see the other girls occupied by looking at other garments and Emily standing right outside waiting on me like a little lost pup.

"Psst." I get her attention and open the curtain slightly.

"Should I get the black one or the grey?" I hold them on either side of my naked chest. Her jaw drops and as predicted she can't even make a sound.

"Come on Em, help a girl out." I say

"God, um I don't know the black one?" She says finally covering her eyes.

"Thanks, you're the best." I coo.

Emily is so easy. I can play her like a fiddle. I could snap my fingers and she'd be kissing my feet. If i asked her to jump she'd clear a mountain in a single bound. I feel the storm in my head brewing something big. I think that I need to see just how high this pup can jump. By the end of the night, she is going to be all mine.

 _ **All the stars may shine bright**_

 _ **All the clouds may be white**_

 _ **But when you smile**_

 _ **How I feel so good**_

 _ **That I can hardly wait**_

 _ **To hold you**_

 _ **Enfold you**_

 _ **Never enough**_

 _ **Render your heart to me**_

We are all walking to Rosewood Grille and the other girls are too occupied with talking about their finds at the boutique to notice me lagging behind with Emily. She smells like coconut and cinnamon as a breeze blows I can really inhale the lovely scent. I'm sure it's some perfume that she put on just for me. We are almost to the restaurant when I see it. The device I will use to unravel Emily completely.

"Hold up guys." I smile and grab the latest issue of Cosmo from a news stand.

"We should have a sleepover tonight. My place." I announce.

"Of course!" Emily practically shouts, immediately trying to hide her enthusiasm.

Everyone else obviously agrees as well. They are all my puppets, but Emily is my only puppy. I smile and continue into the restaurant. We sit down and I make sure to sit across from Emily. When I smile at her or she catches me staring her cheeks look like they may break from smiling so hard. The power of being able to make some feel that way is exhilarating.

We all order and fall into comfortable conversation. Emily begins to tell a story about the swim team and I feel the urge taking over again. I need to make her squirm. I slide off my ballet flat and explore her ankle underneath her pant leg.

"And then coach was li-li-l..." Emily begins stammering before trying to cover it with a coughing fit.

"You okay Em?" Spencer asks.

"She's fine. Drink your water and then finish your story." I demand as I continue to caress her leg with my foot. She nods and obeys quickly.

She finishes her story and everyone laughs. They continue on different conversations and Emily becomes suddenly bold. She looks up from the table and holds eye contact with me and then begins to rub my foot back with her own. Atta girl, young pup. I smile at her and give her a wink. I can see her trembling with my touch. The more precious she is the more I have to push her. I'm going to see her come undone tonight. I smile my crooked little smile at her. She has no idea.

 _ **All mine...**_

 _ **You have to be**_

Everyone is at my house laughing and talking in my bed. I carefully selected a little white crop top and bright pink boy shorts knowing exactly what reaction they would elicit from my favorite follower. Her eyes lingering on my legs even got me excited. It's getting pretty late so I pull out the Cosmo from my bedside table.

"Let's do the quizzes!" Aria suggests and the other girls agree.

"Quizzes are so boring, you guys are such straights." I say so casually immediately eliciting insecurity from all of the girls.

"Let's go for something more risque. Is his package normal? Or maybe the embarrassing sex stories?" I begin reading aloud causing the girls to crack up. Except Emily of course who is shifting around uncomfortably.

"Ooh here we go. How to maximize pleasure when touching yourself." I raise an eyebrow in Emily's direction.

"You're crazy Alison." Spencer laughs.

"Hey come on I want to hear this." Hanna leans in excitedly and Aria can't help her interest either.

"When your hands start to explore yourself try to take it slow, start by getting there mentally. Think about who or what gets you all hot and bothered until you can barely wait to get your hands on yourself." I read confidently. Em is already blushing.

"Now how about a little game of truth." I seem so wild and spontaneous to the girls but they have no idea just how calculated my actions really are.

"Let's go around and say who would be in our fantasy. And if you don't answer you have to take a drink." I suggest it to the group but I'm looking straight at Emily who is now avoiding my gaze.

"Spencer you first." I say.

"God... Um, maybe John Cusack circa Say Anything?" She says nervously everyone giggles and she passes the bottle of vodka to Hanna.

"Ryan Gosling. Definitely. And maybe Mark Wahlburg. Or Taylor Lautner." She begins to ramble.

"Okay we get it, you aren't picky." I say taking the bottle and handing it to Aria.

"Well I hadn't really thought about it but, Ryan Adams is pretty sexy." She hands the bottle quickly to Emily who pulls the lid off and immediately begins to opt for taking a drink. If she thinks she can get away from me that easily she has another thing coming.

"Oh come on you chicken. Who is it? Katy Perry? Beyonce? Jessica Alba?" Everyone goes quiet.

"I'm not gay Ali." She spits the words at me.

"Suit yourself, I wouldn't kick Jessica out of bed." I say lightening the mood and taking the bottle from her and taking a swig.

 _ **Make no mistake**_

 _ **You shan't escape**_

 _ **Tethered and tied**_

 _ **There's nowhere to hide from me**_

No one even notices that I don't answer. Everyone keeps laughing and exchanging secrets and jokes between sips of vodka until everyone is drowsy. Spencer and Hanna have passed out on the bed already so I grab some blankets and make some makeshift beds for Aria at the foot of my bed and for Emily on the right side of it. I curl up beside Spencer, it doesn't matter, I won't be here long anyway.

My clock reads 230 AM when I lay down and by 315 AM I can hear everyone falling into a steady sleep. I smile and carefully step over to where Emily is sleeping. She looks precious with her black hair , a loose white v neck and black and white short athletic shorts. I kneel beside her and put a hand over her mouth and bring a finger up to my lips as she wakes startled.

"Ali what are you doing?" She whispers.

"Let me in." I say lifting the covers.

She obliges and glances over to the other sleeping girls. None of them have moved and will be none the wiser to our interactions.

"Why didn't you answer the question tonight?" I ask knowingly, both of us on our sides now facing each other.

"Because it's embarrassing. You're always embarrassing me Ali." She says with a furrowed brow.

"Have you ever touched yourself Emily?" I ask ignoring her complaints.

"What? Ali you're so vulgar." She tries to act so innocent.

"So you're telling me you aren't turned on right now?" I ask putting my hand on her hip. Her breath hitches in her throat.

"I bet you think about this when you're going at it, that's why you couldn't answer." I say digging my nails gently into her side.

"I didn't answer because I've never done it okay? Happy now? I wouldn't even know how if I wanted to." She says getting frustrated.

"Finally a secret I can do something about. No wonder you're so uptight all the time." I say sliding closer to her.

"I'm going to walk you through this. It will be our little secret." I say with husk in my voice.

"Are you serious?" She asks, eyes wide.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" I say taking her left hand and placing it on my breast. She begins to tremble and I feel her breathing increase. She realizes that not only does she want this, but that resisting is futile.

 _ **Don't resist**_

 _ **We shall exist**_

 _ **Until the day I die**_

 _ **Until the day I die**_

"Do you feel that weird feeling down there? The one that starts in your stomach and goes lower and lower." I ask, getting pretty wet myself watching her reactions. She closes her eyes and nods.

"I want you to take your other hand and feel yourself. Are you wet?" I ask. I watch as her hand slides nervously down the front of her shorts. She nods again.

"Use your words, I want to hear you say it."

"Yes, I'm wet Ali. Really wet." She whispers in a voice that I barely recognize. This pup seems to turn into a wolf when sex is involved.

"Good. I want you to rub where its wet a little bit to cover your fingers in it. Does that feel good?" I ask. She bites her lip and nods.

"I mean, yes, it feels good." She stammers. She learns the rules quickly.

"Now that your fingers are wet, why don't you slide up and down your slit real slow a couple times." I whisper and watch as her whole body jumps every time she grazes her own clit.

"That spot that felt so good?" I start.

"Yeah?" She's begging for the next step, hungry for release and we've only just started.

"That's your clit Em. That's what you're going to focus on. Can you find it again?" I ask.

"Yeah, god it feels so good. Better than I imagined." She says.

"Hm. So you have thought about it, huh? You dirty little girl." I whisper into her ear and see her breathing speed up along with the movements of her hand. She rolls onto her back for better access.

"You like it when I call you names?" I ask.

"Yes, that was really hot." She begins to move her hips.

"Now you're figuring it out." I whisper I can tell that she likes my breath on her ear.

"Don't be afraid, fuck yourself however feels good to you. That's right." I slide my arm under her neck and cradle her head on my shoulder. She lets out a high pitched moan suddenly and I see Aria stir slightly.

"You have to be quiet though." I put my hand back over her mouth.

"But it feels so good Ali. Christ I feel like something's happening, something is coming." She's frantic.

"You're going to cum soon you little slut." I say and she has to bite at my shoulder to stifle a groan.

"Come on honey let it go, I want to see you cum. Cum for me, Em." I whisper through teeth. I'm almost as frustrated as her.

She begins bucking her hips hard and steady and I suddenly can envision her with a strap on fucking the shit out of me and it's all I can do to not join her.

"That's it, be my little whore." I say and she begins to shake uncontrollably I see a tear fall from each eye as she squeezes them shut and calls out into a pillow. Her back arching up off of the floor and nails digging at my skin drive me crazy.

"God, yes Emily that's it. I fucking own you!" I growl into her ear as she begins to come down and grabs me. I hold her tightly as she trembles in my arms. I had not anticipated how owning someone's first orgasm would make me feel but I don't know that I'll ever recover from it.

 _ **All mine...**_

 _ **You have to be**_


	4. Sweet Surrender Part 2 of 2

**Hello again everyone! Here is the second part of All Mine, it is set to Sweet Surrender by Sarah McLachlan. It is essentially how I wish that the scene from 4X15 on the show had gone. I am loving reading all of your reviews and thoughts for future stories, I will try my best to turn some out for you soon. Let me know what you guys think on this one and as always, let me know what you'd like to see! Thanks again!**

Standing alone on this damp street I see the front page of a Cosmo magazine go blowing by. Who knows who it belonged to, or what secrets it promised to reveal to the reader. All it does is remind me of just how far away I am from who I used to be, and more importantly far from who I used to know. God I thought that I was so cool back then. Playing my games. Breaking hearts. Running the show. I thought that I knew everything. I knew nothing.

Her house is the same greyish color. It has the same manicured lawn and beautiful landscaping that Pam and Wayne loved to maintain. But something tells me that a lot has changed inside the walls of this house. I'm here tonight in hopes that not all things have changed. All I can do is surrender all the power that I used to cherish and pray that she has a more forgiving heart than I do.

I shimmy my way up the post of their porch and lift myself onto the roof just outside Emily's window. It seemed a lot harder than it used to, I feel like I'm getting old. I certainly have aged more in the past couple years than I ever thought possible. I look into the window. There she is. Sleeping like an angel. She looks so beautiful that I almost don't want to wake her. If I leave now she will remain this way in my mind forever. I can hold this image and pretend that she is the same girl who fell all over herself adoring me years ago. But I can't do that. Old Ali would have done that. But new Ali doesn't play games and she certainly doesn't run from anything. I'm done running. I lift her window and climb inside.

 _ **It doesn't mean much**_

 _ **it doesn't mean anything at all**_

 _ **the life I've left behind me**_

 _ **is a cold room**_

 _ **I've crossed the last line**_

 _ **from where I can't return**_

 _ **where every step I took in faith**_

 _ **betrayed me**_

 _ **and led me from my home**_

 _ **Sweet**_

 _ **sweet surrender**_

 _ **is all that I have to give**_

"Ali?" She wakes with a start as I land on her floor.

"You have no idea how much I missed you!" I say, tears in my eyes despite myself.

"Missed me? I've been here the whole time; _you're_ the one who's been gone." Her voice is dark and angry. Nothing about her is how I remember.

"Please don't be angry." My voice is quiet. I mean to say, I can't handle you being angry.

"You chose this. You chose this for you, you chose this for us!" Her words are frantic and fueled with fire.

"I know you're upset," I pause, how can I even begin to apologize? "I know that I hurt you the most. But I want to explain."

"But you can't." She's never interrupted me before; she was always too busy hanging on my every word.

"But I can! I have to, I owe that to you." I crawl onto her bed fighting the desperate urge to hold her, to kiss her, to beg her to forgive me.

"You have no idea what I've been through." I begin to cry.

"You're right I don't. And you have no idea what we've been through either." She is unmoved by my nearness and it feels like a knife in my heart.

"I saved your life. Twice. I risked everything for you!" How can she not see how I've loved her? Can't she feel it? I tried so hard to show her that the only thing that mattered to me more than staying gone was her safety.

"You destroyed me! Okay? I thought you were dead." Her eyes are brimmed with tears. She doesn't know it but maybe she just revealed something. If losing me destroyed her than she had to have felt an awful lot for me… and for her to get this worked up now I can't mean nothing to her. Can I?

"But I'm not. Aren't you glad that I'm not?" I ask. I lay my broken but beating heart in front of her. She has the full ability now to fully crush it, to finish the job. Everything is dependent on her response.

"Of course. Of course I am Ali." She won't look at me now. I breathe a deep sigh of relief and am surprised at the tears that follow. She does still care.

"Emily… I am fully aware that there is nothing that I could ever do to take away all of the hurt that I put you though, not just from leaving but from before. I played with your emotions so much and I have spent every moment of the last two years hating myself for it. If I had another chance, it would all be different… I would be different." I grab her hand and to my surprise she doesn't pull away.

Her lip quivers as she looks at me and pulls me into a warm kiss. I have waited so long to taste her mouth and I feel like I could explode with all of the emotions welling up in me. She is just as breathless as she holds my head tightly in her hands. To my shock and pleasure she is leading this kiss. I am even more surprised as her hand slides the strap of my shirt over my shoulder. I let it fall and look at her with desire. Her hand slides down my arm and it feels like she is painting me with purity, like she is wiping away all of the ugliness that I have seen on myself since I left her. Her perfection is perfecting me. I didn't mean for this, I didn't mean to fall in love tonight.

 _ **You take me in**_

 _ **No questions asked**_

 _ **you strip away the ugliness**_

 _ **that surrounds me**_

 _ **are you an angel?**_

 _ **Am I already that gone?**_

The kiss speeds up then. Fueled with our need and probably the remnants of her anger and resentment I can move my tongue into her mouth fast enough. She tastes like the sweetest candy that I have ever had on my tongue and I know that I will crave her even more than that. Her bubblegum tongue is so softly and delicate in the way that it caresses my mouth. My hands are all over her back, desperately trying to figure out how to remove her top. I need to be closer to her. I want to make her feel even better than that night on my floor all of those years ago. She gets the hint and pulls her army green t-shirt over her head. My god her body has only gotten better since I left. Her breasts are larger, her stomach more toned.

I begin to kiss her neck and she moans. Her voice is so much more purposeful and sexual than her desperation as she discovered her body for the first time. I trail kisses down her chest and hastily end up on the floor in front of her. I look up at her, now on my knees. She has her hand in my hair and looks down at me. I suddenly see something that I hadn't expected in her eyes, something I recognize from my own eyes years ago. The look of someone who knows that they have the upper hand.

 _ **I only hope**_

 _ **that I won't disappoint you**_

 _ **when I'm down here**_

 _ **on my knees**_

"Ali, have you ever pleasured a woman before?" She asks in a knowing voice. I am suddenly small here in front of her.

"Do you know a girl tastes as she's calling out your name and you think she may break your neck as she clamps her thighs shut on you as she cums again and again." She says it as she leads me back onto the bed. I shake my head no.

"Use your words Ali," She presses her lips to my ear "I want to hear you say it." She whispers and her hot, wet air on my ear sends shivers down my spine.

"No, I've never had sex with a woman." I say quietly. I never thought that of all people Emily Fields would make me her little puppy.

"That's what I thought. Now how about you sit back and let me show you how it's done?" She says condescendingly kissing the tip of my nose. This is not the same Emily that I left behind… but I think that I am okay with that. I came here with the delusional thought that I could still have Emily wrapped around my finger. And yet somehow with one touch of her hand she has my whole heart.

 __ _ **and I don't understand**_

 _ **by the touch of your hand**_

 _ **I would be the one to fall**_

Before I know what's happened she has my top off and on the floor beside her bed. She unhooks my bra with one swift movement and I let her pull it off of me. Her mouth feels like magic on my skin, so much more skilled and soft than a man's clumsy attempts. It's like when she kisses my body I feel it all over, I feel whole. She whips her hair to one side of her head so that she can hold it out of the way and when she does I smell coconut and cinnamon. My god I have missed her. I have missed every single thing about her.

 __ _ **I miss the little things**_

 _ **Oh I miss everything**_

She sucks on my hip bone as she pulls off my shorts and I nearly come undone. She already has me shaking and pulling at her hair. Her mouth slows down slightly and dots little loving kisses all along my panty line. The way that she moves and looks at my body makes me feel so beautiful and loved. Her hand reaches up and finds my breast as she continues to massage the sensitive skin just under my belly button with her mouth. She lightly drags her fingertips down my side causing goose bumps to rise all over my body.

"Emily, let me feel you, please let me feel you first." I beg as I try to pull her up towards me.

She kisses back up the center of my torso and returns her tongue to my mouth, all over her weight on top of me. I wrap my arms as tightly around her as I can. I never want to let go of her again. I would live here underneath her if I could. There is no where I'd rather be. Her skin is so warm against mine, but I want more of it. I want her nakedness; I want to see it and my god do I want to feel it.

Again, she seems to read my mind and she reaches behind herself and unhooks her own bra. She casts it aside and slides out of her shorts and her panties. My god she is an angel. Her skin is so smooth and beautiful. I look down her torso and to her perfect little pussy, smooth shaven save for a small thinly trimmed triangle patch just above it which I love even more. She straddles me and looks down and into my face. I run a hand down her throat and a cross a collarbone, down her sternum then to cup each breast for a moment, Christ her hardened nipples make me so fucking wet. I touch her perfect stomach and let my fingers run lightly along that perfect hair patch. She shivers and her hungry eyes tell me that she liked it. She begins to kiss me again and I know what she is going to do next. Her mouth is practically watering for it.

She tries to take her time as she spreads my legs apart and removes my panties. She looks and my bald pussy and runs a delicate finger right down my slit and my hips buck at the action. She smiles and looks up at me with those huge black eyes that I love so much. I've never seen anything sexier than her ass up in the air, tongue slowly sliding up my pussy, and eyes staring up at me. And god when her tongue starts moving against me, I know that it won't take her long to get me off. She starts with using the very tip of her pointed tongue pressing directly on my exposed clit. She starts firm but slow. I can hardly take how amazing it feels.

If I didn't know any better I'd think she did this shit for a living my god. She begins making wider and faster movements with her tongue, every so often flicking it up and down instead of side to side and every time that she does I have to bite my fist so that I don't call out and wake up her entire household, heel the whole fucking street may hear me if I were being as loud as I wanted.

"Emily, you're so good, you're so fucking good." I moan as quietly as possible. She pauses and looks up at me.

"Oh honey, I'm just getting warmed up." She gives me my own trademark wink and dives in with a new ferocity.

Her entire mouth it wrapped around my clit and feels like it's moving in a thousand directions all at the same time. Her tongue and her large lips are all working with a coordination that I never thought possible. It is appropriate that I used to refer to her as my mermaid because I feel like the entire ocean is moving against my pussy and I can barely breathe. I no longer feel connected to my body at all, I am high above it, I am seeing stars and hearing orchestras.

"Oh, Emily…" I begin to call out but manage to bite a pillow to quiet myself instead.

She doesn't slow down even as I am cumming, tearing at her sheets and my head flying up off of the pillow as every muscle in my entire body convulses with the most intense orgasm that I have ever felt. My head slams back down into the pillow as my back arches, I had hardly had time to finish my first orgasm as the second one climbs up my spine and then shoots outwards from it and then down to my toes. Just when I think that I have hit the apex of pleasure she slides two fingers inside of me and continues her wet magic on my clit as she presses into me again and again. I swear to god all I see is white and I feel liquid rushing out of me and down my thighs as I cum one final time. She only stops because I pull her up to my mouth. My god I love tasting myself on her drenched face. I can still barely breathe.

"Now I own you." She whispers in my ear before rolling over and letting me collapse exhausted on top of her. I nuzzle into her shoulder and she grips me to her.

"You have no idea." I whisper. Nothing in my life up to this point matters anymore. Who I was is nothing. I only care about this. Forever.

 _ **It doesn't mean much**_

 _ **it doesn't mean anything at all**_

 _ **the life I left behind me**_

 _ **is a cold room**_


	5. MakeDamnSure

**Hey everyone! Thanks again for all of the reviews! I hope you like this one. I listened to MakeDamnSure by Taking Back Sunday during it but didn't include the lyrics. It is set during 3:10 assuming that Alison never disappeared and Paige isn't in the picture. Hope you all like it, let me know! Any questions or requests for future stories just let me know in the reviews!**

 _Wednesday 7:45 AM Rosewood High_

I think a lot about Emily. About the look on her face when I told her that I only kissed her for practice. I don't know whose heart shattered more hers or mine. I mean don't get me wrong, I needed to end things with her. I just hadn't anticipated how much it would hurt her. Or maybe I did feel more for her than I was ready to admit. Whatever, it hasn't stopped us from our occasional hand holding or make out session behind closed doors. She's just stopped any delusions that we may end up together. It's better this way.

Of course I'm attracted to Emily, I mean look at her. I don't think that there is a soul who could honestly say that they aren't. But let's be honest, I'm not going to settle down with her I'm not going to take her to homecoming. So far she has settled into our arrangement nicely. I can kiss her without her getting that look in her eyes like she's naming our future children. She doesn't ask me who I'm with all the time anymore. And while she still values my attention the most she doesn't seem so crushed when she's without it.

I walk up to the girls who are waiting at Spencer's locker I smile and greet everyone waiting for Emily's eyes to find me as they always do. I compliment Aria's shoes and we discuss them. Emily still hasn't looked up from her phone. Fine, I give in. I look to her. She still stares at her screen laughing like a little girl. I actively suppress the huff that wants to come.

"Hey you." I finally say nudging her. She almost looks startled having been so involved in her conversation.

"Oh, hey Ali." She says sweetly and then returns to her conversation. Weird.

I mean it's probably nothing. Maybe she's stressed about a test or something. She's such a worrier. Who was she talking to though? We were all there and she doesn't really seek many friendships outside of our group. Maybe someone on the swim team? That would explain it since she has a meet next week. It's just weird. I mean it's not like she has to greet me or tell me who she's talking to, it's just that she usually does.

"Alison, what did you get for #9?" Mr. Taylor startles me out of my thoughts. I must have visibly been dazed. I have no idea what he's talking about.

"I'm sorry I didn't get that one, I guess I was distracted by how nice that tie looks with your eyes Mr. T." I say with as much flattery as possible. He laughs it off and moved on. That was a close one.

 _Thursday 12:00 PM Cafeteria_

Aria sits next to me and starts going on about some indie band. I'm too proud to admit that she does have fantastic taste in music. I pretend to listen while scanning the crowd.

Hanna and Spencer approach the table engrossed in a conversation about weekend plans. We are officially fifteen minutes into our lunch hour and still no sign of Emily. I scan the room but don't see any sign of her.

"Who are you looking for?" Hanna asks. I hadn't noticed that I was being so obvious.

"Oh no one. It's just not like Emily to be late." I say feigning casualness.

"Oh she's not coming, her friend Nate brought her lunch, and I think she's eating out front with him." Spencer says not having to fake her casualness.

I shrug like its nothing. But Emily has never made a friend and not told me about them. Who the fuck is Nate?

So I mean it is weird right? I know that she doesn't owe me anything, I don't mean that at all. But why would she _not_ tell me about him? I make friends and have hookups pretty often without anyone knowing so it's nothing really. It's just that she never does this. I mean if she makes eye contact with someone new she immediately reports back to me. So what's so special about this dude? Oh, well. I'm just going to have to pay her a visit soon and get the scoop and maybe a bit of lip action, it has been a couple months.

 _Friday 8:00 PM_

Do you ever feel impending doom just pressing on your shoulders? Because whenever I get that feeling I tend to push as far away from myself as possible and remain in my blissfully unaware cloud. And it was in such a cloud that I walked over to Emily's house. It was such a nice evening. Not too hot not too cold, I remember smiling and admiring some flowers along the way. I completely ignored that gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that clearly wanted to warn me that something terrible was about to happen. Even if I had acknowledged it I never could have prepared myself for the scene that I walked up on.

Emily Fields. On her front step. Making out. With someone who is not me. With a _boy._ It was like a goddamn train wreck. I had to stare no matter how sick it made me. Oh god her fucking tongue is in his mouth. No, I can't do this. Nope. Fuck her; if she wants to fuck some guy let her. Shit, let her fuck the whole town. It's not like we are together or something. I hadn't realized that I was crying until I got to my room.

And you know what? No. Does she not know who I am? I am Alison mother fucking Dilaurentis. No one makes a fool of me. Not even the most beautiful girl in Rosewood and certainly not some short little creep named "Nate". She wants a dick? She's going to get one.

"What's your favorite color?" I send a text.

"IDK, blue why?" I breathe a sigh of relief when she answers; it means she's not otherwise occupied.

"You'll see" I reply and shut my phone off. I've got some things to take care of.

 _Saturday morning 10 AM_

"Ali?" Emily wakes up looking around her room confused.

"Rise and shine." I say plainly from the doorway.

"What are you doing here?" She asks yawning and sitting up. She looks so damn hot in that oversized shirt and panties.

"Is there anything that you'd like to talk to me about" I bait the hook. Her face is immediate terror. She sure is awake now.

"What do you mean?" She asks innocently.

"Is there anything, any _one_ that I should maybe know about?" I ask leaning against the door frame. Her fear turns into defensiveness.

"I thought that we weren't required to tell each other anything. Wasn't that one of your 'rules'" she uses air quotes to make her point.

"Your tongue was in some guy's mouth last night." I ignore her logic.

"So what if it was? It's not like you're my girlfriend Ali." Her words are sharp and they cut my skin though I'll never let her know that.

"What are you straight? Bi? What the hell is going on in that head?" I demand finally stepping towards her unable to contain my fury.

"What does it matter to you?" She fights back climbing out of her bed.

"Do you actually like this guy? I mean really?" I ask condescendingly, making sure to act entirely disgusted by him.

"Maybe I do. Maybe I will just have to go out with him. Maybe he's 'the one'" her brows couldn't furrow any harder if she tried.

"Oh okay, yeah fine. Is that what you want? You want a cock?" I begin to unzip my bag.

"Yeah maybe I do. I just want a big ol' cock in my life that will fix everything." She yells sarcastically.

"Well if you think that I'm going to let someone else give that to you, then you have another thing coming." I say darkly stepping to her so that our faces are inches apart.

"What are you talking about, Alison?" She asks trying to hold her challenging stance while completely confused.

"I'm talking about the fact that there is nothing he's got that I don't have better." I say in a low whisper before I push her hard into her bed.

I drop my bag leaving a blue strap on dildo in my hand. Her jaw drops and she's completely speechless. I take off my top and drop my pants; I didn't wear a bra so I stand before her in only a pair of black boy short style panties.

"Ali you can't be serious." She stammers out nervously.

"You're sexy when you're nervous." I say arching an eyebrow and sliding into the harness of the strap on.

"Where did you even get that, what is going on?" She doesn't know where to begin.

"I bought it for you, you said you liked blue." I say making some final adjustments. The way it rests right on my clit feels nice already.

"You said we didn't mean anything! You are the one who said we couldn't be together!" She demands. I spread her legs apart and lean down to her ear.

"I lied." I whisper. I feel her breath catch in her throat.

With her legs open wide to me and my cock placed right at her entrance all I'd have to do is move those panties to the side and she'd be all mine. I came over here with full intentions of fucking the shit out of her, you know really showing her who's boss. But with her eyes gleaming with tears and her baggy National Guard shirt on, something else takes over entirely. I lean back down to her ear.

"Have you ever done anything like this before?" I whisper. She shakes her head no.

"Do you want this Emily? Are you ready for it?" I ask softly. She doesn't move, but when I begin to sit up she puts her hand around the back of my neck.

"Yes, Ali I want you." She whispers, nearly breathless.

"Let me take care of you baby." I whisper and kiss her ear.

I reach down to her entrance and feel that she is already soaking wet. But God she's so tiny I don't want to hurt her. I reach back into my bag and pull out some lubricant. I grab her hand and pour some onto her palm. Christ watching her rub my member down makes me wish I could feel it. It's the most erotic thing I've ever seen. I reach down and pull her shirt over her head and help her slide out of her panties. I'm still standing at the edge of her bed and I pull her long legs towards me.

I lean down and capture her mouth in the deepest kiss that I have ever shared with another person in my entire life. I reach down and rub her clit lightly and slowly making sure that she's still wet enough for me. She lets out a deep moan and grabs a handful of my hair. I had no idea how badly she wanted this still. I press the tip of the toy at her entrance and look into her face

"Are you ready baby girl?" I ask quietly.

"Please." She whimpers.

I use my hand to begin guiding it into her; I know that the first couple inches are the hardest. Her noises and face confirm this, somewhere between pleasure and pain.

"I know sweetheart, I'm sorry. It will feel good in a minute just hold on." She grabs my free hand and grips it tightly.

I press harder and feel it suddenly go in more smoothly until I am all the way inside her. Even now it's hard to control the urge to plow straight through her.

"Does that feel better is that okay?" I ask.

"Yeah that's a lot better." She grabs at my hip with her free hand and wraps her legs around me.

"I'm going to start moving now okay?" I ask. She nods desperately.

At first I only pull back an inch or so before pressing it back in. It moves easily and her moans urge me to continue. I try a little further and don't pause between my movements anymore. I begin pumping at a steady pace then, not too fast or too deep, but her reaction tells me she's enjoying it.

"You like that baby?" I ask, between the sex goddess in front of me and the strap on pressing against my clit I feel myself dripping down my thighs.

"Yes! God, Ali you're amazing!" She moans, more high pitched now.

I start to move a bit faster and deeper, hitting her hard enough that her tits are starting to bounce with the motion and the slapping sound of skin against skin elicits a moan from me too. I have to give in and brace myself on either side of her. As I do the anger that brought me here in the first place floods over me again.

"You like this baby?" I ask her again.

"Yeah, yeah." She whimpers over and over as I hit her sweet spot.

"I'm the only one who can make you feel this good right?" I demand now.

"Yes!" She moans enthusiastically in my ear.

"You're mine now." I groan before burying my face into her neck and losing control.

I plow into her as hard and as fast as I can. She is practically screaming her moans have gotten so intense. She grips my body to her as hard as she can.

"I'm close, I'm almost there!" She calls out.

I slow my speed slightly so I can focus on depth. Every time I slam into her she calls out until suddenly she is arching her back and screaming my name and I speed up again. God, her hips buck and shake against me and I can barely breathe.

"Yes! Yes! Ali!" She calls out one more time before falling limp to the bed. I start to pull out of her but she grabs my ass and holds me in place.

"Just wait." She says dreamily, still shaking.

"You okay sweetheart?" I ask.

"Very okay. Sore but okay." She mumbles.

"I'll take care of you Em. You can just lay here in bed all day and I will wait on you hand and foot." I kiss her softly.

"Ali, for the record I never liked him. I told him to leave right after the kiss." She says sadly, putting a hand on my cheek.

"It's okay baby. I just better not hear that name ever again. You're my girl now." I say with a crooked smile.

"I am?" She asks with tears in her eyes tracing my face with her fingertips.

"If you want to be. I mean, will you? Will you be my girl?" I ask her. I never want to see her kissing anyone again.

She can't nod eagerly enough before throwing her arms around me. I kiss her again and again. I pull out of her and undo the harness.

"Now come on princess, let's get you cleaned up." I smile and lead her to the shower.


	6. Your Mess is Mine

Your Mess is Mine

Being 21, gay, and single in Philly is better than I ever could have dreamt. I smile to myself on my way home from work. It really does get better. I'm a swim coach at the local high school and studying sports psychology at the University of Philadelphia and loving every moment of it. I lock my apartment door and fall into my couch. The fear that dominated my life in Rosewood is completely absent from my current life. I couldn't be happier. Granted, I wouldn't mind having someone to come home to.

"Hey you, how was your day?" I shoot a text to Alison. The other girls scattered a bit after graduation, Hanna to New York, Aria to LA and Spencer to Yale but Ali had opted to go where ever I went.

Lorenzo had gotten an apartment in Philly anyway so Alison moved in. It is conveniently ten minutes walking distance from my place. I was happy to be able to reconnect with my best friend, especially with how much she's needed me the past few months. Lorenzo took off telling her it was over and that he needed space three months ago. She didn't hear a word from him for a month and then suddenly he just showed up like nothing ever happened. He refused to answer any questions and she was just so happy to have him back that she accepted it. I hate that piece of shit.

"Are you okay Ali?" I send another text after a half an hour goes by with no reply. Ali is always eager to respond.

When she hasn't answered after another ten minutes I decide to go take a shower and that if she hasn't responded by the time I'm done then I'll just head over to check on her. It's not like her to not respond, especially in the evening. I guess worry never completely goes away, even if A has.

My hair is mostly dry and I manage to at least put on my decent jeans and t shirt and jacket. It's hard to not just go to Ali's in my pj's sometimes; it feels like we're roommates. I grab my keys back out of the basket by the door and lock my door behind me. I shiver and shove my hands deep in my pockets starting on the familiar walk to Ali and Lorenzo's. Maybe I should have followed Aria to LA, it's already chilly here. I walk up the stairs and knock on her door. Shit, hurry up Ali, my hands are cold. I knock again. I hear movement on the other side of the door.

"Em, maybe it's not a good time." She's crying and my body goes rigid.

"Are you okay? What's going on?" I demand. I look and notice that Lorenzo's car is gone.

"I'm fine." She lies.

"Ali, let me in. It's okay." I say to the door.

It's silent for too long, I want to bust the damn door down. As I lean back to try to figure another way in I hear the chain slide out if the lock. She only lets the door open a couple of inches.

"It's just that Lorenzo and I had a little argument and he could be back at any time." She whispers covered in tears and looking at the ground.

"Ali what's wrong?" I ask touching her wrist on the door frame. She gasps and winces, quickly withdrawing her hand. She freezes and so do I.

"What was that?" I ask plainly feeling my blood begin to boil.

"It's nothing. Really." She's crying harder now.

"Really? Cause that didn't look like nothing." I demand and push the door open stepping inside. I grab her hand firmly but gently. She tries to resist but I manage to pull up her sleeve and I see a forming bruise covering her forearm about the size of Lorenzo's grip.

That's when I notice the overturned coffee table and the broken lamp. The kitchen island has been cleared too. Ali finally looks up at me, her hair moving away from her face revealing a red and swollen cheek, her eye barely able to open.

"Maybe it was more than a little fight." She says.

"He hit you? Where the fuck is he!? I swear to god I'm going to fuck him up." I begin to ramble heading back for the door. She grabs my arm and holds tight protesting immediately.

"No, no one hits you! He's going to fucking die!" I hadn't meant to yell but when I turn to see her she looks terrified and I realize that my anger is not what she needs right now. She's just standing there crying and broken and I finally just wrap my arms around her and she crumbles into my embrace.

"It's okay sweetheart, I'm here now. I'm here and you're safe." I whisper kissing the top of her head.

"Please don't go, don't leave me." She sobs.

"I'm not going anywhere." I reassure her. I walk her to her couch where I sit with one arm around her and the other holding her hand. How could anyone hit this beautiful face?

"Now, can you tell me what happened?" I ask softly.

"You know when Lorenzo left a few months ago?" She asks, and I've never heard so much shame in her voice. I nod unable to find my voice.

"He said it was over. I thought he was never coming back. So one night I drank too much and I ended up at Vertigo, that club down the street. I met some guy and ended up taking him home. I didn't really want to but I already had brought him back here so I ended up sleeping with him." She says crying hard enough to struggle catching her breath.

"There is nothing wrong with that. You were single and honestly it sounds like you were pressured into it which is definitely not your fault." I say rubbing her back.

"I should have known he'd be back." She says.

"You can't blame yourself for this. It's not your fault in any way. How could he be so upset that you slept with someone three months ago when he's the one who left? Why does it even matter? How did he even find out?" When I say that last part she really starts sobbing to the point that she ends up clinging to me again.

"Honey what is it, what happened?" I ask holding her wet face in my hands.

"I'm pregnant." She manages before falling back to my chest. I grip her to me. I can barely breathe. Before panic can even set in I decide: I don't care what happens or what she decides I'm going to be here for it.

"Ali, you aren't alone in this. I'm here. And I don't care what decisions you make regarding this baby, I'm here. If you can't handle carrying out the pregnancy than I will hold your hand as we take the next step. If you decide to let your baby be raised in another home then I will help you find the perfect one. And if you want to raise this little one then damn it I'm here for that too. I'm by your side on this." I vow to her with every piece of my heart.

"You can't do that, you have your own life and so much going for you. This is my mess not yours." She looks me in the eye.

"Your mess is mine now. That's all there is to it." I stare straight back at her in a way that I never used to be able to.

"There's something else." She says looking at her hands now.

"Whatever it is, it's okay you can tell me." I try to catch her eyes again and she won't let me.

"Part of why Lorenzo flipped out so bad is that he knows why I've never been able to fully open up to him. I'm in love with someone else." She says, she sounds even more terrified than when talking about her pregnancy.

"You are? Well, Ali you have to tell them. Be brave and tell them. Maybe they can help you." Suddenly she is looking at me again.

"I just did." She watches my face intently and now I can't even look at her.

This can't be happening. My brain cannot handle all of the information being thrown at it. Ali was attacked tonight, is pregnant, and now she's in love with me? I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel let alone what I am actually feeling.

"And, I understand if that changes things. I just felt it wouldn't be fair to let you support me if you didn't know. And I guess I just needed you to know. I've also decided to keep the baby. And if you don't want to be a part of all of this I understand." I can't even let her finish before I kiss her lips so softly.

"I love you too Ali. I always have." I whisper. She smiles.

"And you're okay with being a part of the baby's life?" She asks cautiously.

"Yes, yes of course. I've loved you for years regardless of what we went through. 'Against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be' as someone once told me. Nothing will change that." I say with a smile. She blushes and laughs through tears.

"Now, let me take you to the police station. We'll come get your things later." I say standing. She opens her mouth to protest.

"I know you don't want to, but we need to report it so we can get a restraining order. I need to protect you and the little one in there." I poke her belly. She nods sadly then, realizing her pride is no longer important. She grabs my hand to stop me at the door.

"Em... We're having a baby." She smiles, the magnitude of our discussion finally hitting her.

"We are. We're having a baby." Emotion grabs hold of my throat too and I have to swallow down tears. I put a hand fully on her stomach.

"No one is going to hurt you two ever again." I say, walking out the door with her wrapped around my arm.


	7. Precious and Fragile Things

**Hey everyone, thank you all for your continued support! I have truly enjoyed writing these short stories and I love even more hearing that you all enjoy reading them! I noticed some interest in me expanding Your Mess is Mine into a full story and I have been toying with that Idea. If you guys still want to see that let me know!**

 **Shout out to shalbores for the idea! Thanks again!**

 **This one is a bit less heavy than most of mine in case you aren't up for a downer, you should still be fine with this one. It is set just after Alison comes home. The title and opening verses are from Precious by Depeche Mode. I hope that you all enjoy it! Let me know!**

 _Precious and fragile things need special handling  
My God what have we done to you  
We always tried to share the tenderest of care  
Now look what we have put you through_

 _Things get damaged  
Things get broken  
I thought we'd manage  
But words left unspoken left us so brittle  
There was so little left to give_

 _Angels with silver wings shouldn't know suffering  
I wish I could take the pain for you  
If God has a master plan that only He understands  
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through_

Have you ever been really worried in your life and so you end up making a list of all the worst or most stressful possible things that could happen? I used to do that all the time. I was such a little worrier. What if I fail the test? What if I injure myself and can't swim anymore? What if my best friend, the love of my life, dies? What if I'm gay and everyone found out? I don't bother making those lists anymore... I live in them.

I mean I guess it turns out that Ali isn't dead, that's a positive... Right? Christ I can't think that way. It's wonderful that she's alive, but it sure as hell complicates things. I'm supposed to be with Paige now. Let me tell you it can really stress you out when someone other than your girlfriend looks in your eyes and you get butterflies like you haven't felt in years. Not to mention an actual psychopath is trying to kill me and my closest friends. Nothing is private anymore. I can't swim, I'm falling behind in school. Honestly even with all of that, I'm still pretty sure that my biggest stress has blonde hair and a pulse.

"What are you doing here Em? Aren't the girls over at Spencer's?" I know that I startled Jason by showing up tonight but I could use some relief.

"Yeah, they're asleep out in the barn. First time we're all bonding since Alison has been home." I say folding my arms nervously.

"Well not that I'm not enjoying the company but what brings you here?" He asks turning to me.

"I hate to ask but, could I get a cigarette? I usually have one of my friends on the swim team get them for me but I ran out and it's pretty late." I can't look at him as I make my request.

"I always took you for the straight edge one of the group, is everything alright?" He asks me and I just look at him with raised brows. He laughs.

"Yeah that was a dumb question wasn't it. Are any of really okay at this point?" He lights I cigarette for himself.

"I don't have any menthols." He says extending the pack to me

"I don't like them anyway, camels are fine." I say, offended by his assumption.

"You know what, take two. But try not to make it a habit Em. You're too good of a girl to go down like that." He smiles genuinely. I smile back and head back over to Spencer's.

I stop on the way back to the barn to grab my bottle of 1800 silver and lighter out of my car. I hate hiding things from the girls but we all know that Hanna gets to horny on tequila and besides this shit is too expensive to watch disappear in one night. Chasing tequila with smoke sounds like the perfect stress relief to me. I lean against the side of the barn and breathe life into the cigarette.

"What are you doing?" Two shots and two puffs in her voice scares me enough that I drop my bottle.

"Damn it Ali that shits hard to come by!" I scold putting the cigarette back in my mouth and picking the bottle up. Only a shot or two spilled but I'm still upset.

"Since when do you smoke?" She asks watching me.

' _Since you disappeared and ruined my life.'_ I think to myself.

"Maybe I always did. Maybe you didn't know me as well as you thought." I try to be brave and bold like her but I'm crumbling inside. She purses her lips together.

"Yeah right. You wouldn't have had the guts to." She scoffs, the old Ali's edge returning to her.

' _Don't remind me of what a gutless piece of shit that I was, you made me that way.'_ I think.

"Well maybe I'm having a hard night." I cut her off, trying to maintain some form of control.

"It's disgusting." She says. I almost feel ashamed, I guess a little bit of the old Emily's lack of confidence wants to shine through too.

' _How do you do that? How do you always get to me?'_

"I'm sorry; things have just been a little crazy." I say trying not to look at her. She walks right in front of me and I stare at her feet and ash my cigarette.

"Em, look at me." She says it firmly. I am too afraid to see the old Ali looking back at me to obey.

"It's okay. Just look at me." She leans closer to me. I look up and her eyes are watering. I hadn't expected that.

"You're such a precious soul Emily." She says softly.

"A lot has changed since you were gone. I've changed." I have to push words out through my tightened throat. She shakes her head slowly.

"No. You were always brave and powerful. You just hadn't found it until now. But you haven't lost that goodness inside you. You never will." She wraps her arms around the back of my neck. I know I should stop her, I'm not a cheater... But Ali is an exception to every rule that I've ever had.

"You don't care that you're hurting yourself, do you?" She asks straight in my face. I shake my head no and furrow my brow trying not to cry.

"Would you ever hurt me?" She asks softly, not breaking eye contact once. I dramatically shake my head no.

"I want you to take a long drag off of that cigarette and shotgun it to me." She's so serious. I hesitate.

"Do it." She demands.

I turn my head away from her and take one long breath through the cigarette. When I feel that my lungs are good and full with the tar and smoke I hold it in. I grab her face firmly in both of my hands and am embarrassed and guilty over how sexy she looks. She closes her eyes and opens her mouth to me and lets her head go limp in my hands. I carefully blow the smoke into her mouth and she takes it all in surprisingly smooth. When I am all out of smoke to give her I pull back slightly and she opens her eyes. She keeps her mouth opens slightly and I can see the smoke rolling around and dancing around the edge of her red lips. The corners of her mouth rise into to a smile before she tips her head far back and blows the smoke into the air. I have to urge myself and exert all self-control to not kiss her throat.

The moment she exhales it all she brings her face back down from the night sky and her mouth directly onto mine. I could easily say that it wasn't my fault; she kissed me so suddenly that I had no time to stop her. But I suppose that it wouldn't account for my tongue in her mouth. Or me dropping the cigarette to tangle one hand in her hair and drop the other to her hip. God her lips moving against mine is heaven, my heaven. She's holding my head so hard that I feel like she's terrified that I'm just going to drift away at any moment. Funny, as I recall she's the one who left. Suddenly she pulls away leaving her lips still close enough to graze mine with every word.

"When you hurt yourself, you hurt me. That's all there is to it. It's always been you and me, it's still you and me, and it's always going to be you and me." She says. I nod and pull her mouth back to mine.

She's so afraid that I'll hurt myself with a little white stick, that I'll be addicted. The only thing that I'll ever be addicted to is the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach anytime she's near. I don't care if that hurts me either. I might as well give in. There never has been any controlling Alison DiLaurentis.


	8. Hide and Seek

**Hey everyone! Your continued support has been amazing and really helped me with my writing even outside of fanfiction so I just really wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your reviews mean the world to me, I love writing things that you all want to read and knowing what you do and don't like.**

 **On that note, you guys seemed pretty into the idea of me extending Your Mess is Mine into a multi chapter and so I have finally gotten around to doing that and it is up now! I'm very excited about it and can't wait to see what you guys think.**

 **This short is just some feel good smut for all of you. It is set during 5:01 escApe From New York. It's just an alternate version of the episode where Alison leaves the stage for a different reason. I hope you all enjoy!**

It doesn't bother me. I can't let it bother me. Who cares how she knows that this place is safe, it's safe and we're here. All of us... It's surreal really. We're all standing at the concession stand eating. The girls are laughing and talking. I can't stop wondering which surfaces Alison hooked up with Ezra on in here. I cringe.

I look up when I feel her eyes on me. It's like being swept away by the ocean. You can't breathe but you aren't sure you want to. It's terrifying and yet like home. When Ali chooses to submerge you in her depths she makes you want to drown.

I think she's noticed how her gaze still affects me. I thought that I had grown immune but really I had just forgotten what it was like. She'll always have this power over me. I'm sure of it now. And now that she's aware of it too, she's openly using it against me. Throwing glances at me to see me shudder and stammer under the weight, laughing extra hard at my jokes, finding an excuse to bring me into every conversation. Go ahead and play your games Ali, to be honest I've missed those too. I missed it all.

I stop paying attention for a moment and she's suddenly right next to me. She's staring at the side of my face. I know she wants me to look so I don't. I can't just let her win like I used to. She lets her elbow brush mine. I don't respond.

"Penny for your thoughts?" She says quietly. The girls in their own little world talking about some TV show.

"You really want to know?" I ask a little more aggressively than intended.

"Of course." She asks all dreamy eyed.

"I'm wondering which surfaces in here that you hooked up with Mr. Fitz on." I say, my disgust evident. She cocks an eyebrow at me.

"Excuse me?" She says confidently.

"You heard me." I attempt to be confident like her.

"I'm tired; can we find some place to sleep?" Hanna yawns.

"Yeah there should be some stage furniture over here." Ali says leading us to the stage.

We get settled in, and everyone keeps jabbering, I even chime in from time to time. It really is nice to take a breather and be us again. My phone lights up showing that I have a text. It's from Alison on the opposite side of the stage.

"Is everything okay? That's not A is it?" Spencer asks.

"No, just Paige trying to get ahold of me." I smile her say. I don't have to see Alison to know she's smirking.

Alison: Do you honestly think that I hooked up with Fitz?

Me: Do you expect me to believe that you didn't?

Alison: The years have made you so feisty... That's okay, I like my girls feisty ;-)

Me: Oh really? Cause I thought you just liked to use girls for practice.

I know that it was too far immediately.

Alison: Ouch.

Alison: I'm sorry for that. But I assure you, it wasn't Fitz that I dreamt of fucking all over this theatre.

She at least has part of my body's attention.

Me: Ali...

Alison: What, don't you want to hear about the fantasy I used to have... About you... Involving this very theatre?

Me: I'm listening.

Alison: When I visited Ezra here all I could think of was how beautiful you'd think it was. It was so private and quiet. I wanted to bring you here. I'd get you laughing pretending to be a worker handing out concessions at the stand, but when you would go to take the fake snack from me I would grab your hand and pull you in close.

There is a long pause.

Me: Keep going

Alison: I'd pull you into a soft wet kiss. And then as it got deeper I would pull you up onto the counter and kiss you even harder as you climbed down to my side. You'd be wearing some cute, tight little T-shirt kind of like what you have on right now, and I'd love to feel your skin through.

Me: That's so hot Ali

I know I shouldn't indulge her.

Alison: You still want me?

I'm shocked that she even has to ask.

Me: I'll always want you

Me: I want you now

Alison: I want to feel you Emily. Really feel you.

Me: I want to get my hands on those hips with nothing between me and a wall but you

Alison: fuck, Em that's so sexy. I want it. I want you inside me.

Me: I can't believe I'm doing this right now.

I'm suddenly nervous that she has those texts, nervous that I so easily exposed so much again.

Alison: Believe this?

I feel a surge of wetness between my legs and a rush in my stomach when I see the attached picture of her cleavage sneakily taken under the blankets.

Me: You make me CRAZY

I look over to her loveseat and she's gone. I sit up quickly. Hanna and Spencer are passed out. Where the hell did she go? She can't disappear on me again, not now.

Alison: Come find me...

The attached picture is of her dangling her shirt in front of a large arrow sign which I can see on stage right. I follow it and find her shirt there. I pick it up.

Me: Of all your games, I like this one the best.

Alison: getting closer...

The picture is of her jeans draped on a director's chair which I find to my right.

Me: I better get a serious reward when I find you

Alison: If you find me, you can have it all...

She's bending over towards a lit up mirror, cleavage showing and legs sexily crossed with socks up to her knees. She has always loved secrets including sexy ass lingerie under her simple outfits. I notice above her in the mirror a large number one and see the first dressing room labeled the same way. There you are.

I swing the door open and there she is, sitting all sexy and cross legged in front of the dressing room table. Her eyes are lust and I'm soaking wet for her. I waste no time, I step straight to her tangling my hands into all that blonde hair to grab her head and lift her into a kiss. She gasps with surprise and delight as I softly taste her lips. God I've wanted her for so long that I feel like I could just lose it right now. I can barely handle finally having her. I've had a few girls and none have them have made me feel this way, none of them have clung to me the way she is right now.

"Emily..." She whimpers as I kiss her neck and suck on her collarbone. She's as desperate as I am.

Her black lace panty set are sexy but I think they'd look better on the floor. I start with her bra and unhook it watching her breast tumble out. They are a bit bigger than mine and round and perfect and I'm nuzzling and biting at them before I can even get her bra all the way off. The way she calls out in response to me sucking her nipples and her gripping my head sets something off in me. I groan and grab her thighs throwing her onto the table. I practically tear my own shirt off as she undoes my pants. She's turned on by my lack of bra and reaches for my breasts. I can't even wait to take her panties off; I can see that she's soaked through them and ready for me anyway.

I pull them to the side and insert two fingers and she moans enthusiastically. I press her as firmly as I can against the mirror as a drive into her hard and deep. The entire table moves with every thrust. She's yelling like a sailor with her suddenly filthy mouth. Her still socked legs in the air are spread wide to welcome me in. She's just as perfect from the inside. I pick up pace and she wraps her legs around me first at my waist, but then she wants me, needs me deeper. She lifts one leg up over my shoulder and I toss the other one there to, using my hips to press my fingers even deeper inside her. The wet sound our skin to skin contact makes causes me to drip down my thigh I'm so fucking turned on.

She's clinging to me firmly enough that I feel confident in removing my hand from under her which I had been holding her up with so I can use it to rub on her clit. Her loud moans urge me to continue. I start in circles but quickly am moving too fast for that. I feel her orgasm coming. I look to her face and the mirror behind us as I feel her walls tighten. Her pink mouth open and gasping, eyes squeezed shut, our bodies intertwined in the mirror, it's all the most erotic thing I've ever seen. I use the thumb of the hand inside her to keep my pressure on her clit so I can use my other hand to hold her tight as she writhes and shakes with her orgasm.

"How'd you fucking do that, you're so good, Em." She moans still in the aftershocks.

"There's more where that came from." I groan into her ear before dropping to my knees and spreading her quivering legs far apart.

I dive right in, my entire mouth on her wet pussy now. She is wrapped around my head quickly. Christ, she's tugging at my hair and whimpering so much that I know she's close again. I massage her with my entire mouth a bit more taking in as much of her perfect taste as I can. I know I'll crave this forever now. I suck lightly on her swollen clit for a moment before pointedly focusing quick firm movement over it with the tip of my tongue. She's practically fucking my face now her hips are bucking so hard. I speed up until I can't go any faster and she's completely rigid, unable to make any noise at all, until I feel the release. She's screaming my name as she cums and nothing has ever sounded so sweet to me.

"Come here, come on baby." She's lifting me to her mouth where I kiss her sweet and soft.

"No one's ever gotten me there Em." She confesses. I kiss on her jaw and neck lovingly stroking her head.

"I can take you there anytime you want. Don't forget it." I whisper darkly in her ear.

"Oh, honey, I couldn't forget this if I tried." She smiles.


	9. Finding Me, Finding You

**i could ship that sent me this prompt one million years ago it seems like and has been patiently waiting for it. I have been tied up with Your Mess is Mine and my Spemily project Dope that will be up soon but here it is! It is set during 5.07 when Emily's mom has Alison and Hanna over for dinner. I hope you all enjoy and, I hope I don't disappoint you I could ship that!**

Things were not exactly the same with all of us girls as much as we would have loved for them to be. Alison came back and started coming to school and we all saw each other but things had changed. We had changed. I mean you don't live a few years thinking that your best friend/love of your life was murdered and not come out on the other side different. I know I am a lot stronger. Unfortunately I'm also a lot more jaded, a lot more bitter, a lot colder. I may have some unchanged feelings for Alison but they were attached to someone entirely different now and it threw off our whole dynamic. I guess that we had better figure that dynamic out quickly because mom has her heart set on dinner tonight.

"Are you sure that you can't get us out of it?" Alison asks flirtatiously as I walk her home. Her tone sounds just like the Alison I used to know and I cringe. The Emily that I used to know would have done anything to make Alison happy even if it meant cancelling the dinner and breaking her mom's heart.

"I'm sure Ali. I really am going to need you there tonight." I say very firmly. She stares at her feet, probably confused on how to proceed. She never had to think of a step two because step one always worked.

"At least I get to spend the evening with you." she says it quietly, almost as though she doesn't intend for me to hear it, which takes me by surprise. Alison typically always has a plan and intention behind each of her words.

"Well, here we are. I'll see you tonight Ali." I say turning and walking away, ignoring the way she had been leaning towards me for a hug.

I need to let her know that I'm not the same Emily that she used to know. I'm not going to take her shit anymore. I am stronger now. She won't see that if I'm always following her around and showering her with affection. I was surprised at how easy it was for her to find her way back to my bed and into my arms and I don't want her to take that as an invitation to walk all over me. I won't stand for it.

I greet my mom and let her know how amazing her meal smells. I knew that she'd already be working on dinner. She didn't really have time to plan so I am sure that she had to stay active every moment today so that she would feel adequately prepared. I head upstairs and get ready. I don't want to get all dolled up or anything, but I definitely need to make a statement with my look tonight. I re curl my hair only lightly. I want to look good, but not like I am trying to look good. I pick a black sleeveless shirt. I don't mind showing that I have gotten physically stronger as well since she left. I apply some makeup and ChapStick with a hint of shine to it and I'm set, with time left to do some much needed studying.

I know that the girls are all concerned about Alison and I. They haven't said a lot about it but the way that they look at us when we are together says what their mouths won't. And with the way that she made me feel the other night, maybe they should be. But I'm going to prove to them, and to Alison, that they don't have to worry. She's not my puppet master anymore. I've cut those strings long ago.

"Honey! Alison is here!" My mom calls from downstairs. Wow, time really got away from me. I trot down the stairs.

"Hey Ali." I smile casually. I don't even tell her how amazing she looks. She waves and her and my mom continue talking when Hanna walks up.

The moment that she comes into view I see storms in her eyes and I know that tonight will be a disaster one way or another.

"Emmy, will you help me set the table?" My mom asks.

"Of course." I say and follow her, though I'm honestly afraid to leave them alone with the way that Hanna is posturing like an angry dog.

We set the table quickly and I try to glance out to Hanna and Alison from time to time. Hanna actually looks like she's being civil, as does Alison. Maybe we'll be alright.

The girls come in and we all dish up our plates. I love my mom's cooking, all of my friends do. I hand Ali her drink and turn to Hanna.

"What do you want to drink, Han?" I ask. She holds up a full glass.

"I already went and got a water." She smiles. That's weird, I never saw her walk past me, and those aren't the glasses in our cabinet. I mean it's not like Hanna is subtle, it's hard to miss her walking by. I guess for once she decided not to be a bull in a china shop. We all get to eating and talking and the moment passes.

My mom leads the conversation as she usually does. She is an amazing conversationalist. I am a lot more awkward and clumsy with my words. Maybe I'll grow into it. Hanna seems to be getting more and more clumsy with hers tonight. She's being really weird and at this point it's starting to upset me. She seems to be making Alison super uncomfortable as well. You'd never be able to tell even if my mom was uncomfortable at this point. She keeps the flow of conversation going.

"So they gave us a deal on the replacement windows. It's the second set we've bought this year. Al Simon called it a bad luck discount." My mom laughs.

"I could use one of them." Ali says only half kidding.

"I think we all could." I say giving her a reassuring glance. I quickly take a bite to cover the butterflies in my stomach the moment that our eyes meet.

"If you ask me, I think people make their own luck." Hanna says dryly. Why is she talking so weird all of a sudden?

"Well, there are some things that happen that aren't anybody's fault." My mom tries to keep a civil tone.

"Oh yeah I mean, I don't know say a meteor falls and it hits your car. But the walking around stuff that's usually someone else's fault" she is no longer casually talking, but performing for an audience. "Right, Ali?" her words are facetious and pointed.

"I think what Hanna means is," I begin, my genetic inclination being to squash this argument before it can grow.

"Oh, Hanna knows what Hanna means." She obnoxiously speaks over me. It sparks a fire in the pit of my stomach. The tears in Alison's eyes are almost enough to push me over the edge.

"You know, maybe you're right Han. Maybe we do set ourselves up for bad things. We don't mean to, but we do." Alison looks so broken and my desire to kiss her tears away only fuels this fire.

"I mean what happened to me. There were times in the dark when I would just think: what did I do to anyone that was so bad to deserve this?" She directs it to my mom. I know that she is afraid of Hanna's judgement and my kindness. My mom's gaze is just easier at this point.

"You can't blame yourself for what happened." My mom is desperate with concern.

"Well, sure in the light. With clean clothes and a hot plate of food that makes sense but when you're by yourself and you don't even know what day it is, the only one around to blame is yourself. I did. I was so ashamed with what had happened to me." Alison says trying not to cry.

"Don't say that!" My mom is such a fixer, just wanting her to feel better.

"I was ashamed." Alison insists.

"You have some _very_ special friends, Alison." mom reminds her.

"I know." Alison's voice gets weak. I look to my mom who is desperate for me to help her. I look back to Alison and I can't resist taking her hand.

"You're the special one, Ali. There is no one in the entire world like you." Hanna spits the words at her and stares daggers into her. Ali tries to put on her old stare down look but the points of her stare have dulled over the years. Hanna wins and looks around the table proud of herself.

"Cheers." She toasts us and takes a hard drink. She coughs after her sip of "water" and it hits me. Now I'm staring daggers and mine have only sharpened with time.

"Are you alright?" Mom asks casually as though she is merely choking on water.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She smiles sugary sweet but her eyes are half shut and her posture is wobbly at best.

"Can I help you clear?" Alison offers. My mom may be the master of filling awkward silence but Alison is the queen of escaping social tension.

"Please." My mom grumbles into her glass as she stands.

I cannot wait for them to leave the damn room. I want to get my hands around Hanna's throat right about now. Ali glares at us both as if to tell me to get her under control. She wouldn't have had to because this anger is about to become an inferno. Someone should have told Hanna not to play with fire. The moment they are out of the room I snatch Hanna's glass from her. I take a sip and even though I was sure that I already knew there would be vodka in the glass I am still disappointed and even more livid when I find it.

"Hanna." I glare at her.

"What? I had to have something to wash down all the bologna we had with dinner." She says sounding like a child. She even has the audacity to reach for the cup. My brow sharpens even further as I dodge her and slam the cup down. She tries to stare me down but immediately looks away.

"Yeah that's what I thought. You should be ashamed of yourself Hanna." I spout off at her.

"Just because you believe everything Alison has ever said." She starts but me standing and bracing myself on the table startles her into silence.

"Of course try to make it about my past. But no, tonight is about you. You showing up here knowing that I needed you and being a shit show. You say that Alison deserves bad luck? What about you Hanna?" I demand. She tries to answer.

"No what about you!? Tell me, what do you deserve!? What about you!?" I yell as loud as I can jabbing a finger in her face. Tears spring into her eyes as she is in complete shock. Alison is in the doorway now, my mom behind her. Both are worried but stay back.

"You are only thinking about yourself and to be honest, I'm done with it. I'm so done. You will not come into my house, disrespect my family, disrespect someone who's supposed to be your friend, and laugh it off." I've never felt so keyed up.

"Em." She starts again.

"No, get out. I don't want to hear anything else from you. Go." I shout pointing to the door.

She looks at me waiting for me to give in and take it back. When I don't she rolls her eyes and leaves slamming the door hard behind her. I storm up to my room, Ali tries to grab me on the way but I ignore her. I slam the door and pace with my hands behind my head.

"Em…" her voice comes after a soft knock. She takes my lack of protest as permission to enter. She shuts the door behind her and tries to hug me.

"No. Ali you know what, you think that you can come here and just snap your fingers and everything will just go back to old times. You say you're real sorry and give me a kiss and I just drop everything to be your puppet again. But that's not me anymore. I'm not just going to blindly follow you or anyone else ever again." I explode again. So much tension has been building inside of me that I can't believe that I hadn't snapped sooner.

"I understand, why you're angry. Why you have every right to hate me. And it's true. You aren't the same person. You have lost a bit of that light in your eyes. You're more independent. You're stronger. But for the record… that's why I've fallen for you all over again." She wipes a tear away and very slowly heads towards the door.

This whole time I have been so obsessed with proving my strength. Proving that I wasn't that girl that I used to be. Proving that I wasn't going to be anyone's puppet. But in proving that I have completely neglected to see what it is that I want. Me. Not Alison, not my mom, and not my friends but me. Strength doesn't mean not doing something because others may view it as weak. Strength means being able to stand up and get what you want regardless of other's opinions.

"Ali, wait." I say as her hand touches the door. She doesn't turn to face me right away. When I don't speak she turns her sad eyes back to me. I take three fast steps until or mouths crash together.

The speed and desperation of the kiss make me weak in the knees and so I place a hand on either side of her boxing her in and shutting the door all at the same time. She whimpers into the kiss just like I used to before she left. I suck her bottom lip as I pull away to look at her face which is covered in need and lust. For once in my life I am doing this because I want to. And if that isn't strong, then hell, I don't know or care what is.


	10. To Make You Feel My Love Part One

"Please come over, it's urgent." Alison's text pops up in my phone. It must be urgent, she never says please.

"On my way, are the other girls there yet?" I ask

"No, I just want you here. Don't tell them you're coming." She says.

"Okay. I'll be there soon." I reassure her.

I grab mom's keys off the table and head out the door. Normally I'd never take her car without asking but Ali seemed so desperate and mom is asleep and I don't want to wake her. I just need to make sure Alison is alright.

I pull up to the house and kill the engine. While I want to run up the steps and to her room to save the day I need to make sure it's okay. I don't want to get her in trouble by showing up so late. I take out my phone to text her but as though she has read my mind her text pops up first.

"The door is unlocked, no one is home. Come up when you get here." It says.

I obey (as usual) and head up the stairs. The Dilaurentis house is so foreboding at night that I still find myself tiptoeing even though she said no one is home. Maybe that's just how scared I am of her father. Either way I quietly make my way up to Alison's room. I push the door open and see her balled up on her bed. She doesn't turn to face the sound of her door opening.

"Ali?" I say quietly.

"Come in." She is crying.

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to wrap her in my arms and kiss away her tears. I've already begun to accept the fact that I'm in love with my best friend even if I refuse to think about what that means about myself. Granted I don't necessarily know what love is, I've never been with anyone before. All that I know is that I would move heaven and earth if it meant that she would feel better.

I sit next to her on the bed. She still doesn't look at me. She is staring out the window and into the moonlight. The lunar glow illuminates her feature in such a majestic way that I have to remind myself that she isn't an actual angel. In fact, it is typically a very different spiritual being that she gets compared to. Watching her tears hit her pillow I have to let my selfish side come through. I imagine that she is crying for the same reason that I cry at night: she loves me more than life itself.

"It's a full moon." She sniffles, not looking away from the brilliant orb.

"It's really beautiful." I say quietly. I don't know what she wants from me.

"I knew you'd come. You're always here when I need you." She says reaching out and taking my hand. My breath catches in my throat and I can't look away from our clasped hands. I place my other hand on top of hers, hoping that she will feel safe of only for a moment.

"I'm always going to be here for you." I remind her. She closes her eyes letting two more tears fall.

"I wish that Ian would be more like you." Her words glide through the night air and fall like hot embers on my skin.

"What do you mean?" I ask with a shaking voice, trying to hide the emotion welling up in my eyes.

"You are so kind, and loyal. So thoughtful and forgiving. And beautiful." She says finally turning to me. I can't respond.

"And he's fucking Melissa Hastings right now." She says turning back to the moon.

I want to reach out and turn her face back towards me. I want to tell her that if I had the chance that I would love her and only her and that I would never make her cry out to the moon. I want to tell her that he doesn't deserve her and that if she would let me I would try to do right by her every day. I want to tell her that I love her and then show her by placing my mouth on hers.

"He'll come around. And if he doesn't, someone else will. You have your choice of men. And if he's the one you want, then you'll have him. One way or another." I say. My heart bleeds but as I say the words her eyes seem a little bit lighter.

And I realize then, what love is. Love is not about possession. Love is wanting someone to be happy no matter what that means for you. Love is adoring them with no promise and honestly little chance of reciprocation. It is putting their needs before yours. It's sacrifice. Because if you only want them to be happy if they are happy with you, then you never really loved them in the first place.

"Stay here with me tonight?" She asks. I nod and hold her hand all night, because there is nothing that I wouldn't do to make her feel my love.


	11. To Make You Feel My Love Part Two

**Hey everyone, thank you for reading and reviewing and for your messages, they all mean the world to me! I have the best supporters here! I had already written part 2 to this story so any requests I will take into consideration for future stories, thank you so much for your feedback! Enjoy!**

Five years. It had been five years since I had spoken to Alison. It doesn't seem real. I had seen her at my father's funeral before that. She tried to catch me as I headed back to the car. We made eye contact and she waved. She had been crying. I climbed back into the car and went back to California the next day. I can't believe that I went five years with that being as close as I got to her. After everything that we went through. I never thought that Alison would become just a memory.

I run my fingers over her inked words. She spoke so eloquently of her reasons that we needed to return to Rosewood and help with Charlotte. I could tell that it was rehearsed, that we each probably received the exact same letter. Right up until the last sentence.

"I've missed you the most, you know" she added just before signing her name and sending this letter to the other side of the country.

She may have signed it simply 'Alison' but that return label clearly reads Dr. and Mrs. Rollins.

I shouldn't be thinking critically of her at a time like this. She just found out that her sister is dead. It's hardly the time to judge her choice in men. But he isn't even that handsome.

I pull up to her house and am greeted at the door by Dr. Rollins himself. He always has such a friendly front. I wonder what the real man is like. I'm sure he's good. He did wonders for Charlotte apparently. His home is nice. From what I can see. He is nice to Alison. But, he doesn't have adoration in his eyes when he looks at her. He just looks tired. And how dare he. He should wake up every day with a beaming smile to have Ali on his arm.

"She refuses to leave her room. I tried everything. I don't want to leave her alone when I go to work." He stammers. I can't tell if it is worry or frustration.

"Maybe you should try letting her stay. She'll come out when she's ready. She probably just wants some company. Some support." I try my best not to sound condescending but honestly with how life has gone, I'm always a little condescending. He doesn't answer, just walks away.

I enter Ali's room. She is balled up and on her side looking away from me. It's all too familiar. I sit beside her. It's been so long that I'm not sure how to comfort her. I'm not sure that I am a comfort to her anymore. I know that I have never seen her this broken before. Her eyes are distant. Exhausted. Let down. They look a little like my own.

"Ali…" I start, bracing myself on the bed. I don't know what to say. She grabs my hand, and it fills me with just as much warmth as it always has. I place another hand on top of hers just like I used.

She grips my hand tighter and looks into me. In this moment I feel more intimacy than I have in all of my sexual encounters over the past five years combined. In this moment I know more clearly than ever: I am still in love with Alison. And I would do anything to make her feel it.

"I knew you'd come. You're always here when I need you." She tries to smile but her voice is so scratchy that neither of us can fake it. Tears fall from my eyes. Seeing her in pain breaks my heart. She opens her mouth, I can tell that she intends to apologize.

"Shhh… Alison. Everything's going to be okay. I'm always going to be here for you." I manage to get out while swallowing back more tears.

Our emotions are so intense that they are threatening to explode. I know what it would look like if my feelings were to spill over right now. Heated kisses, desperate embraces, touches that take your breath away. But, I have no idea where she stands or what her feelings may look like.

So I breathe in and out. And then I wipe the tears from her face. I kiss her cheeks, then her eyelids, then her forehead. I gently run a hand over her hair. I give every ounce of my love for her a home on her skin. She is breathing deeply with her eyes shut tight. I climb onto the bed with her using an elbow to support myself I look down at my one true love.

"Why doesn't he do this for me? Why doesn't he make me feel like this?" She asks, tears springing into her eyes again as she grabs my shirt in her hands.

"Because, no one will ever love you as much as I do." I say just before she pulls my lips onto hers.

I can feel her heart pounding against me, it doesn't drown out my own racing heart echoing in my ears. I hope she feels even a fraction of what is going through me because I will have accomplished what I set out to do. Neither of us can breathe as we part for only a moment to look into each other's desperate eyes only to return contact of our mouths. She opens her mouth to me and I shudder at the contact of our tongues. I feel her melt into me, clinging to me for something that I doubt I have left to give her. I hadn't noticed that she had been shaking earlier until she stopped just now.

Our mouths move with a passion and desperation that only five years of pain and longing can create. She pulls me down until my full weight is completely one her, like I am her security blanket. She fills holes in me that I had long forgotten were there. She is the only one who feels right against me. Her hands become too desperate to remain on my back and she begins to slide them up my shirt. While I love the way her hands feel on my bare skin, I pull away and search her face.

I can't tell whose tears are whose on the pillowcase. Her face is filled with desire. But, if we do this now I will always wonder if she was just emotional over Charlotte. I can't take advantage.

She begins to cry again as I look into her eyes. She knows without me saying a word. We shift in the bed until she is fast asleep on my chest and my arms are tightly wrapped around her. She sleeps as though she hasn't had a good night's sleep since we have been apart. And I don't have to ask her to know that that is probably true.

I on the other hand still can't find sleep. I stare at the ceiling. I imagine what life would be like if we had chosen each other. If I had stayed or she had come with me. Maybe I wouldn't be so jaded and bitter. Maybe she would feel like she had a true support system and wouldn't have been so desperate to free Charlotte. But none of that happened. And we can't change the past now.

A few hours later she stirs. Her lips pucker against the skin of my neck and I grip her tighter to me. I kiss the top of her head. I breathe in the smell of her hair. I don't need to say outloud. I know that she can feel with every heartbeat, "I love you, I love you, I love you" She keeps lightly kissing me. I don't want to go but I know that her husband will be home soon.

I feel tempted to stay. To ask her to runaway with me. Leave her life here. But as I climb into my car I look up and see her watching from her front window. She presses her palm to the glass and her eyes tell me that she would come with me if I asked.

But love isn't about possession. It is putting their needs before yours. It's sacrifice. Because if you only want them to be happy if they are happy with you, then you never really loved them in the first place. And the only thing that I am sure of in this life is that I love Alison with all that I have. And I always will.


	12. Until the Day I Die

Why is there always so much to do? Why is there always so much? Frantically scrubbing at the stove I am listing my options for next thing to do. Such a long list. I give up and toss the sponge down in defeat. I grab an armful of toys that had been scattered across the living room floor on my way to the bathroom. I place them in their chest.

"Hey Adam." I whisper trying to smile for him as he laughs bouncing in his exersaucer.

I rush to the bathroom leaving the door cracked open slightly. I need to listen for them in case they need me. I'm so nervous leaving them for even a moment, so much so that it takes a while for my bladder to relax enough to allow relief. I calm. I breathe. The sounds of Adam cooing in the next room are so soothing. I smile.

And that's when I hear the shrill scream. My heart beat is immediately in my ear drums as I frantically pull my pants up and sprint out of the bathroom. Adam is suddenly quiet and watching me as I run, I run possibly faster than I ever have before. I slam through the side door and continue pace. There she is. Her bike is on its side and she is rocking, gripping her knee to her chest.

"Jill, what is it? What happened?" I plea grabbing her face to look her over. Crocodile tears are hanging from her thick eyelashes and covering her cheeks.

"My knee!" She wails.

"You have to let me see baby." I whisper using my calmest voice possible. She is so prone to locking up, just like her mom.

"No, it hurts!" She yells even louder.

"Come here." I say, scooping her into my arms and rocking with her. She buries her face in my neck as I smooth her hair and try to slow my breathing. As she calms down I look back to her little face of 6 years.

"Now can I just take a little look, Jill?" I ask again. She sniffles and nods.

I peel her little babyfat arms away from the knee she is still protecting to assess the damage. Her jeans are shredded and so is the first layer of skin. It doesn't go to much deeper though, just a bad scrape and likely some bruising. I should have gotten her knee pads before letting her ride this bike. Damnit. How could I be so stupid? I feel like all I do is fail these two. Like I'm desperately trying to tread water but it's storming and the water is rising and there are thousands of weights on my ankles.

I kiss her forehead. If I can at least just make her feel valuable and loved then maybe it's not all lost. I look down and take in her denim blue eyes and perfect chin dimple and it's truly like looking at Alison's child pictures. Only she's wearing a brown wig of wavy hair. Her brother may not have gotten the denim eyes but he has the golden hair and round face of his mom. I give her a squeeze ready to carry her inside.

"I love you mommy..." She freezes and so do I. She's crying again and so am I.

"I mean, Aunt Emily." She solemnly corrects herself.

"It's okay. You can call me whatever you want." I whisper trying not to let on the depth of affect that her words had on me.

I lift her and take her inside. She clings firmly to me with her arms tight around my neck. I remember carrying her mother into the house just like this when I first moved in. I have to choke back a sob. Adam looks at me and Jill, quiet and still. He's afraid. Waiting for a signal from one of us as to what emotion he should be feeling. That look that a child gets when they fall and look to see; are my caretakers upset? Should I be upset? And if you do look upset then they cry, they let the fear take over. But, if you smile or laugh, then it's funny and a new part of their comic routine. I had to learn that lesson early on. So, I give him a smile and he weakly smiles back. That boy is more intuitive than any 1 year old that I know.

I take her to the bathroom and rinse her knee with a gentle stream of warm water. She cries out. I give her my hand and instruct her to squeeze when it hurts. She grips as tight has her little pudgy fist can. There is more gravel in the wound than I had anticipated and definitely more blood. I let the water run for a while wanting to rinse out the chance of infection. At this point Adam suddenly wails. Not his attention scream, but his genuine fear scream.

"You have to wait here for me sweetie I'll be right back, be brave?" I ask as she tries to not relinquish my hand. She nods and lets me go.

Adam's face is maroon as it gets when he cries this way. I scoop him out of the exersaucer and lightly blow on his face causing him to inhale in a gasp so that he doesn't pass out. I hold him against my shoulder and pat his back bobbing up and down slowly. My eyes are scanning the area for whatever threat he had detected. I'll tear it apart with my bare hands I swear to god.

"Shhh shh sh..." I soothe. Usually he is so easy to calm, such an easy going little guy. But he is still sobbing.

"Come on buddy." I whisper.

"Emmy!" Jill screams from the bathroom only increasing her brothers wails. I step towards the bathroom and directly on a sharp triangular block that I had missed on my quick cleaning earlier.

"Shit!" I shout in agony before I can censor myself.

Adam tenses and Jill is silent now. I limp over and push the bathroom door open. The water is still running but Jill is no where in sight. I sigh. I know that she has to be in here. I was watching the door and she couldn't have gotten passed me.

"Jill?" I ask quietly. I hear something stirring in the linen closet. I set Adam on the rug and knock lightly on the door.

"Jill, honey are you in there?" I ask softly. Nothing. I creak the door open enough to see her all balled up on the shelf.

"It's okay sweetheart, come here." I offer my arms.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry, I didn't mean to be bad I'm sorry!" She starts sobbing again.

"No, honey no I'm not angry. I'm the one who's sorry. I just hurt myself but I shouldn't have yelled." I assure her. Reluctantly she climbs out of the closet and into my arms. I set her on the bathroom counter.

"Adam, no no!" I softly scold as he has pulled himself to a standing position at the tub. I reach past him and shut off the water.

"I'm bleeding again!" Jill sobs. I can feel my patience wearing thin. There are two kids and I only have two arms and one set of eyes.

"Okay just let me put Adam in his playpen." I begin to reason with Jill but she cries harder grabbing my shirt sleeve not wanting me to go.

"Honey I can't look at your knee and hold your brother." I say but it does nothing to calm her fears. I look down and see that Adam's lip is beginning to quiver. He's afraid again. I think that he is afraid for his sister. What do I do? I don't even know what to do.

I jump about a foot in the air as a hand touches my back. Warm coffee eyes meet mine and immediately soothe my anxiety. She grabs Adam from me. I grab her shoulder and before I can even verbally thank her she just nods her head knowingly.

"Come to auntie Spencer." She smiles to him bouncing him excitedly as she leaves the room with him. I soon hear him laughing with her in the other room.

"Let's see about that knee." I smile to Jill.

I get her cleaned up and then bandaged. I kiss the bandage over and over until I get her laughing. She has the most adorable laugh. I ruffle her hair and give her a hug. I can tell that she is getting sleepy by the way she stays leaning against me.

"You can go lay down upstairs and rest that knee if you want." I offer her. She nods and climbs the stairs to her room.

"Emmy!?" She calls for me. I walk past Spencer who is rocking Adam to sleep in the chair by the window. I can't believe that I almost forgot.

I enter Jill's room and I open her closet. I walk into it and look all over, making a big show of moving all of her clothes and crawling around. I even make her laugh by looking inside of a shoebox and a tiny purse. I check under her bed and out the windows in the same manner. Then I lean over the girl.

"Inspected and safe, Ms. Dilaurentis." I say trying to sound official. She laughs.

I go back downstairs and see Spencer putting Adam in his crib and I flop on the couch, utterly exhausted. Spencer soon joins me and I lean my head on her shoulder. She doesn't talk for a long while and I love that about her. She doesn't always try to fill a silence. She lets me rest.

"I'm worried, Em." She says finally.

"It's going to be okay. Everything is fine honestly it has just been a really stressful day." I assure her, sitting up.

"It's not just today. You've lost weight. You look exhausted. And honestly it was supposed to be a couple months but what has it been now? 7?" She isn't backing down today.

"9. It's been 9 months." I say staring at my lap.

"Jesus. When is she coming home?" She demands.

9 months. It has been 9 months. That means it has been one year and three months since she wouldn't return my calls. Since I trusted my gut and came to her house to find her laying in the driveway in a torrential downpour. She was sobbing and talking gibberish. She wouldn't walk, desperate to lay out there. I could see Jill with her nose pressed to her bedroom window watching. So I scooped her up, it was harder than I thought it would be considering she was six months along with Adam at the time. I stripped her down and put her in the bath tub. I only went back home to get my things then.

A month later she told me that she had been seeing her mother. Not in dreams or in imagination. But walking around their home. Elliot had called her a lunatic and refused to help her. He wouldn't let her seek treatment either. Said he wasn't going to be married to the kind of lowlifes that he worked with. And then one night he left. Even while she was 6 months pregnant with their son.

But, I was there every step of the way. I went to counselling sessions with her and with Jill. I cared for them both on days that she couldn't get out of bed. I was even the one who cut the cord during Adam's birth. I managed her money and her medicine. She helped with housework when she could and picked up an editing job to help pay the bills and so that she could work from home. But soon, very soon, it became too much.

9 months ago she looked at Jill and her eyes went dark. I heard screaming and ran upstairs. She had pushed Jill to the ground and I swear there was nothing behind those eyes. Nothing at all. And then suddenly there was. She came back as fast as she'd left and began to sob. She had thought that Jill was Mona attacking her.

So we checked her into a hospital. 9 months ago. She is trying her best but between her decades of trauma, piss poor gene pool, and chemical imbalances she is still struggling everyday. 9 months without her. Without her hand in mine. Without her embrace. Without her voice whispering in my ear. Without her eyes watching me in awe from afar. Without her sweet kiss or her uplifting laugh.

"I don't know, Spence. But, I will never stop taking care of her or her family... Our family." I say firmly, and I mean every word.

"But what about you, Em? When are you going to start taking care of you?" Spencer begs the question.

And honestly I don't have an answer. But isn't that what love is? To truly care for someone more than you've ever cared for yourself? To put their needs before your own? I don't know how to love any other way than truly and completely. And if that means loving Alison Dilaurentis even to death than so be it, because she is the light of my life and I can't live in the dark ever again. Come rain or sun this is my life now. Until the day I die.


End file.
